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[music playing]

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Too white to be Black and
too Black to be white.

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Let me give you a little
insight from the inside.

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My name is Melissa Lowery.

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And this is my home in a
suburb of Hillsboro, Oregon.

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The idea for Black
Girl in Suburbia

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started when my oldest
daughter asked me

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why she was the only
brown kid in her class

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and why her hair wasn\'t
straight like her friends.

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This made me reflect on my
own experiences growing up.

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I grew up in West
Linn, Oregon, a middle

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to upper class community.

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I had the typical
suburban kid experience

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but happened to be Black.

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Being Black in the suburbs
came with a whole set

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of issues and challenges.

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The biggest challenge was being
in a community with little

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to no diversity.

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So this is my old
house, very young.

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And it was cute and
quiet and small.

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But it was our home and my mom
worked her butt off to keep us

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out here.

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We moved to West Linn, you
were about four years old

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at that time.

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Your brother was 11 and
going in the seventh grade.

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And after looking at several
other suburban areas,

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decided to go back
to the West Linn

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choice because of the schools.

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They had a great reputation
for their schools.

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We knew that the
property out there

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would not devaluate quickly.

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Like many Black families, moving
from the city to the suburbs

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is a huge adjustment
and a transition

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can be tough because the
environments are so different.

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When we\'re talking about
suburbs, one of the things

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that--

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I think one of
the biggest pieces

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is distinguishing, I guess,
some of the stereotypes

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that was associated
with suburbia.

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So for example, a lot of
time we say \"urban,\" people

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think Black or the inner
city where that\'s not--

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Urban just means
urban population

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where there\'s transit,
there\'s movement,

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there\'s quays,
city centers, maybe

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your administrative
offices of the city.

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Some of the struggles, I
think, that young people have

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here in Oregon is that you
can live in an urban area

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and still not have that
sense of energy that\'s

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coming from other urban
areas and across the country

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because it is such a wide space.

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So if you\'re in a
suburban area, you\'re

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less connected than even those
that are in the inner city

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community.

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Where were they in Portland?

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What is the community?

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What does it look like?

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It was just the most
homogeneous place,

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and it really felt like not
only was it homogeneous for me

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but that the whites were
not used to interacting

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with African-Americans.

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And so you have this
real naivete, ignorance,

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stereotypical
understanding of Blacks

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or just sort of not
really understanding

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the nuances and just
the lack of ability

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to have frank,
honest conversations.

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Portland is the fifth
whitest city in America,

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so diversity is not prevalent.

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Yes, you see people of color.

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And yes, they stand out.

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And it affects not just
our students but society

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in general.

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In bearing this skin
color, I cannot hide.

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In bearing this skin
color, I have much pride.

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[chatter]

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Very good.

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So did you guys
get these scored?

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No.

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They\'re just stories to share.

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And we share them with
the second graders too.

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I decided to go to
my girl\'s school

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to talk to their teachers
and their principal

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about diversity in
the school system.

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The whole issue of diversity
and acceptance and understanding

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racism and hidden
biases are all things

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that we need to continue
to discuss and work with.

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And we have to sometimes
step out of our comfort zone

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and address issues
when they arise

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that might not be
comfortable, but yet we

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have to say something.

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Because if we don\'t start
talking about these things,

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we can affect the change
that needs to happen in order

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to provide equity for everyone.

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Now that when we look
at data that students

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who are of a minority race
have a different experience

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in school than white
children do and being white,

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that\'s a little bit hard to see.

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So it\'s nice that we\'re kind of
looking deeper and recognizing

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those areas where we
need to make changes.

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One of the things as
far as being a teacher

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is that they want, at least
when I look at applications

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and things when they\'re
advertising for teachers,

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they want somebody that\'s
culturally competent

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or had an instructor
who explained it

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as being culturally relevant,
which I really preferred.

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I liked that because
culture is always changing.

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So if you\'re
competent, then that

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means that that stops, like, oh,
I\'m culturally competent now.

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I don\'t have to
do anything else.

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But to stay relevant means you
always need to be learning.

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I think we need to sit down
as a staff in each school

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and talk about it.

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I think we need to
have the time to say,

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OK, this is the
time when we\'re all

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going to sit down and discuss
diversity within our classrooms

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and to brainstorm ideas and to
just talk about what has worked

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well in your classroom,
what have you learned,

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who has taken classes, bringing
all of this information

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in together and sharing it.

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So I think this is a huge, huge
project that the school should

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undertake so that we
all have that experience

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that everyone else--
and all the knowledge,

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bring in all the knowledge
that everyone has and share it.

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As teachers, we want everybody
to be happy and comfortable.

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And sometimes
dealing with subjects

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that make people
uncomfortable, we as a group

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tend to shy away from or avoid
because we don\'t want conflict.

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We want calm and security and
we want our kids to feel secure.

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But in saying that, we might
think that our kids are feeling

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secure but maybe they\'re
not because their needs

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aren\'t being addressed.

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In bearing this skin color,
I\'ve experienced much pain.

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I cannot lie.

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And in bearing this skin color,
I have sometimes asked myself,

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why?

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I found a school with
a diversity program,

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and I decided to speak
with the director.

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It was started so
that students of color

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would feel more comfortable
being at the school.

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We were having issues
with retention,

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students were coming.

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They weren\'t succeeding.

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They were leaving.

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They didn\'t either feel
welcomed or maybe it

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was academically too hard.

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We do also have some classes.

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Our peace and justice classes
discuss racism quite a bit

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and every student has to take
that class junior, senior year.

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The peace and
justice class talks

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about people in our society
that may not be served

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as well as others.

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So there\'s maybe a weak
unit on homelessness

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or maybe a unit on homophobia.

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There\'s the racism, a
couple of weeks on that.

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And that\'s where they really
get into discussions of racism,

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how it happens in the community
and how it happens on campus.

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It is a big awareness because,
oftentimes, the white students

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feel that they can use
terminology and music and stuff

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and just say it and that their
Black friends are cool with it.

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But in reality, their
Black friends aren\'t.

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And this is a chance for
them to actually address it.

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And oftentimes,
the Black students

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say, well, the
question is raised

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so why don\'t you just tell them?

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Well, they don\'t want
to be the person always

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having to be the bummer and say,
that really hurt my feelings.

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And they don\'t want
to be classified

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as being too sensitive.

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So it takes them a while.

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But after the
racists are paneled,

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the students are much
more appreciative.

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And I think they\'re much more
open to talk to each other.

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And I don\'t think we\'ll
ever be to the point--

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I used to dream that we wouldn\'t
have a diversity program.

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But I don\'t know if we\'ll
ever be at the point

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where we don\'t need a diversity
director because we need

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the constant reminders
to be able to have

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the conversation going.

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And it\'s amazing when I
talk to other teachers

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from other schools
and what I do.

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They go, oh, we love to
have a program like yours.

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But they\'re still afraid
to do it, I think.

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What is stopping them?

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Besides the fact that
they don\'t want to.

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Probably money.

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Money is number one because
the position has to be paid.

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You have to have
money for the program.

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And second, probably
acknowledging

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that their schools are changing.

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The schools in Oregon
are change, particularly

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in the Portland area.

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We\'re very much more diverse
than we were 20 years ago.

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And I think they\'re
frightened to admit that

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because of actually
opening the conversation.

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I think they\'re afraid
of the conversation.

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They\'re not afraid of the
students or the people.

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They\'re afraid of
the conversation

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that a diversity
director is going to--

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Isn\'t good.

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Yes.

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And there were
times when those who

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looked like me I couldn\'t
rely because they felt I

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belonged to the other side.

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This is my third
grade classroom,

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and this is where I realized
that my color was an issue.

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When a little boy would
not take a drink of water

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out of the water
fountain after I had just

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gotten a drink because he
thought that my color was going

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to rub off on him
and then he was going

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to turn the same color I was.

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So that was the first time.

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This is where-- this
was the first time

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that I realized that
my color actually

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was an issue for people.

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Some people-- I\'ve never
met anyone who does.

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But some people do judge people
by the color of their skin

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still.

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But I don\'t think it\'s fair.

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Of course, it\'s not fair.

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Jayla understands this concept
of color separating you

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from people getting to know you.

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But sometimes when
you\'re the only one,

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you can\'t help but notice.

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But the first day of school
was very shocking to me

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because I was the only Black
person in the whole room

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and that had never
happened to me before.

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So that was kind of a shock.

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It was like walking
into 90210 for me.

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It was like, I just
watched this on TV.

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This is real.

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It just was-- it was weird.

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It was like, this
is actual real.

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And so that\'s what it was like.

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It was a very different world.

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The first day of school,
I saw all these people

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who look like characters to me.

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They looked fake, like
something you\'d see on TV.

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And so I just questioned
myself, going, OK,

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how am I going to
fit into this place?

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How am I going to make
a place for myself here?

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And how am I going to
last this next four years?

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I don\'t think it\'s a big
impact sitting in class

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and then you look
around and you realize

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that you\'re the only
one in class then

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that\'s when you notice.

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But for me, not necessarily.

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The chances are
that you\'re going

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to be the only Black
student in your class.

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And that usually comes up
in their English classes

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when they\'re reading Huck Finn.

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If there\'s a topic
in government that

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comes up, everybody turns
to them and goes, OK,

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what do the Blacks feel like?

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Or what\'s their opinion on that?

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And that Black
student just isn\'t

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the voice of all Black people,
so they always feel awkward.

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They want to say
the right thing,

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but sometimes they
can\'t get it out.

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They just don\'t.

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And so then they\'re
very quiet in the class.

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In elementary school
I was reading a book.

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I forget which one.

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But the N-word came along,
and my teacher was like--

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I was the only Black girl and
she was like, do you care?

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Do you mind if I say?

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And I was just like,
well, no, but you

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shouldn\'t have to ask me that.

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I feel like they don\'t
put it out there enough.

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It\'s just kind of
weird after that.

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Trying to be
politically correct,

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not trying to hurt anybody\'s
feelings, but at the same time

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it\'s like you\'re kind
of being bubbled off.

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Like, is it OK with you?

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Do we have permission
to say this word

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and continue on with the lesson?

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I don\'t think that there\'s
a protocol for handling

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racial issues that come up.

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Oftentimes they try and
ignore them, or deflect them

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so that they don\'t
have to deal with it.

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Oh, well, let me redirect you
to actually the assignment

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that we\'re working on.

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Which doesn\'t involve race.

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I haven\'t felt limited
in the classroom,

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but I have been talking to other
teachers who have maybe said

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not to mention culture as much,
because you might come off

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sounding like sort of these
power-to-the-people types.

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At least that\'s the
impression that I got,

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but that would be the only
time that I maybe felt

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limited or questioned
when I go in and I--

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or when I\'m talking
to someone and I

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have a passion for diversity
and things like that.

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There\'s no systems in place
to support students of color

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in predominantly white schools.

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All you can really do
is try and survive,

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and the only way to survive
is to follow their model

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to try and fit in.

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So you just do that.

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And whether that\'s perceived
as being white or not,

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it\'s following the norm,
which is all you really know.

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It becomes an issue when
they\'re lacking identity,

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or they want that
identity and don\'t

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have a resource to get it.

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There\'s that whole idea of
kids of color kind of grouping.

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I witnessed that experience.

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It was just kind of like, hey,
what time do you take lunch?

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And when you do take lunch,
come and sit next to us.

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About third period, not just me,
but me and some Mexican kids,

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and just kind of
some outsider kids

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who didn\'t necessarily
fit in, would skip class.

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We never left campus, we
would just meet in the hallway

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or in the cafeteria.

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And after a few months
of that happening,

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the attendance records
started kind of piling up.

15:55.209 --> 15:57.352
They\'re going, OK,
where are you kids?

15:57.376 --> 15:58.768
And it started
being the minority

15:58.792 --> 16:00.394
kids that were doing this.

16:00.418 --> 16:03.475
And so the vice
principal at the time

16:03.499 --> 16:07.227
kind of came to one
of our \"meetings,\"

16:07.251 --> 16:11.475
and we thought we were
all in so much trouble.

16:11.499 --> 16:14.976
So he pulled in a couple of us
that were older at the time--

16:15.000 --> 16:17.559
I think I was maybe a
sophomore or a junior--

16:17.583 --> 16:19.976
and was like, well,
what is going on?

16:20.000 --> 16:20.935
Why are you guys skipping class?

16:20.959 --> 16:24.268
We\'re like, well, we don\'t
really know necessarily,

16:24.292 --> 16:27.310
but I guess we\'re
just trying to--

16:27.334 --> 16:30.102
we\'re just trying to, I
guess, be with each other.

16:30.126 --> 16:30.810
I guess feel comfortable.

16:30.834 --> 16:33.475
I guess everyone just knew
that, they, around third period,

16:33.499 --> 16:36.352
there\'s going to be other
people that are similar to you.

16:36.376 --> 16:38.268
Whether you\'re friends
with them or not,

16:38.292 --> 16:39.018
it\'s just nice to see them.

16:39.042 --> 16:43.143
I guess all of the 10 years that
I had been in the school system

16:43.167 --> 16:45.601
in Westland it got
to that point where

16:45.625 --> 16:51.476
it was great to have a group of
students of color come together

16:51.500 --> 16:54.310
and say, we need
to be recognized

16:54.334 --> 16:56.976
and we need this
support for ourselves.

16:57.000 --> 16:59.893
Perhaps we self-segregated,
but it was also

16:59.917 --> 17:05.352
a sense of a safe space
and an opportunity for us

17:05.376 --> 17:07.475
to kind of decompress.

17:07.499 --> 17:09.976
Because you\'re the
only one in class.

17:10.000 --> 17:12.475
You are not really
getting called on,

17:12.499 --> 17:17.475
you\'re not necessarily feeling
comfortable to raise your hand.

17:17.499 --> 17:18.935
You\'re just kind of
biding your time.

17:18.959 --> 17:25.227
Being the only \"one,\" or
the only one of very few,

17:25.251 --> 17:26.976
you get stereotyped
a lot of times.

17:27.000 --> 17:32.143
And then you get asked questions
about those stereotypes,

17:32.167 --> 17:32.893
and if they\'re true.

17:32.917 --> 17:34.518
One thing that
annoys me is everyone

17:34.542 --> 17:36.768
just assumes that I
know how to dance.

17:36.792 --> 17:37.394
[laughter]

17:37.418 --> 17:39.893
Or they\'re like, oh, La
Brea, show us the stanky leg!

17:39.917 --> 17:40.476
And all that stuff.

17:40.500 --> 17:42.475
I\'m like, I can\'t dance, guys.

17:42.499 --> 17:42.810
I can\'t.

17:42.834 --> 17:43.475
[laughter]

17:43.499 --> 17:46.851
And I don\'t know if it\'s
because I used to be able just

17:46.875 --> 17:48.227
to dance freely
or whatever, but I

17:48.251 --> 17:50.268
don\'t know if I got so
self-conscious that everyone

17:50.292 --> 17:53.893
expected me to know how to
dance that I was like, I just

17:53.917 --> 17:54.643
don\'t want to dance anymore.

17:54.667 --> 17:58.394
So I basically stopped
dancing like three years ago.

17:58.418 --> 18:01.709
[upbeat music]

18:05.042 --> 18:09.060
Loud, ghetto, run, fight, dance.

18:09.084 --> 18:10.394
Like, you\'ll have Kool-Aid--

18:10.418 --> 18:12.601
or you\'ll have a purple
drink, and it\'ll be Gatorade,

18:12.625 --> 18:14.475
and they\'ll be like,
what are you drinking?

18:14.499 --> 18:15.352
Grape Kool-Aid?

18:15.376 --> 18:16.227
Yeah, purple drink.

18:16.251 --> 18:17.475
Or just refer.

18:17.499 --> 18:19.310
And then they\'ll
say, what do you do?

18:19.334 --> 18:20.475
You like chicken and waffles?

18:20.499 --> 18:22.475
Or they\'ll refer
to all the foods

18:22.499 --> 18:27.518
that Black people like to
eat, like soul food and stuff.

18:27.542 --> 18:29.935
I chose not to do
certain things that were

18:29.959 --> 18:33.475
associated with Black people.

18:33.499 --> 18:36.475
I honestly don\'t
really drink Kool-Aid,

18:36.499 --> 18:38.352
because it\'s a stereotype.

18:38.376 --> 18:40.851
And I would hate for
people to be like, oh, what

18:40.875 --> 18:42.310
do you want to drink?

18:42.334 --> 18:42.685
Kool-Aid?

18:42.709 --> 18:43.643
Or something like that.

18:43.667 --> 18:44.475
Oh, I hate that.

18:44.499 --> 18:45.475
I leave the stereotypes.

18:45.499 --> 18:49.518
It\'s affected me in my
personal interests, even.

18:49.542 --> 18:50.060
Yeah.

18:50.084 --> 18:51.143
Because I don\'t want
to be stereotypical.

18:51.167 --> 18:53.018
Oh, I used to be
scared of Black people

18:53.042 --> 18:55.102
until I met you, La Brea.

18:55.126 --> 18:56.102
Don\'t mess with her.

18:56.126 --> 18:56.518
She\'s Black.

18:56.542 --> 18:57.394
She will beat you up.

18:57.418 --> 18:59.310
They\'re like, you\'re the
best Black person I know.

18:59.334 --> 19:02.185
I\'m like, I\'m the only
Black person you know.

19:02.209 --> 19:02.559
[laughter]

19:02.583 --> 19:04.559
Because I play
basketball, and sports,

19:04.583 --> 19:12.893
and it just seems like everybody
expects you to do really good.

19:12.917 --> 19:16.601
If you\'re not doing
everything, they\'re like, oh.

19:16.625 --> 19:18.851
Well, you\'re supposed
to be doing--

19:18.875 --> 19:20.435
We are the stereotypes.

19:20.459 --> 19:22.768
Not to say all of
the stereotypes,

19:22.792 --> 19:25.268
but if you think about
it, a lot of stereotypes

19:25.292 --> 19:29.102
are actually true, because
that is just our people.

19:29.126 --> 19:30.185
That\'s our culture.

19:30.209 --> 19:34.352
And, I mean, you can either
look at the stereotypes

19:34.376 --> 19:37.102
negatively or positively.

19:37.126 --> 19:37.810
I mean, we are who we are.

19:37.834 --> 19:40.685
We don\'t change ourselves
for other people just because

19:40.709 --> 19:41.935
of the stereotypes.

19:41.959 --> 19:44.768
So you see a Black person
and they\'re like, oh, look,

19:44.792 --> 19:45.475
is that your cousin?

19:45.499 --> 19:47.851
(LAUGHING) You\'re
like, no, I haven\'t

19:47.875 --> 19:49.810
seen that person in my life.

19:49.834 --> 19:52.102
You\'re not Black,
you\'re like one of us.

19:52.126 --> 19:54.018
Say, \"I act more Black than you.

19:54.042 --> 19:55.475
You don\'t even act that Black.

19:55.499 --> 19:57.352
You don\'t talk Black.

19:57.376 --> 19:58.352
I\'m more Black than you.\"

19:58.376 --> 19:59.726
I\'m like, what does it mean?

19:59.750 --> 20:03.185
Because my skin color is this,
I should be a certain way?

20:03.209 --> 20:06.476
Like you were saying, I
need to be stereotypical?

20:06.500 --> 20:07.476
Around most white people--

20:07.500 --> 20:09.475
I wouldn\'t say all
white people, what you

20:09.499 --> 20:11.394
put on your \"representative.\"

20:11.418 --> 20:14.518
Which is-- it\'s not
your fake person,

20:14.542 --> 20:16.851
but it\'s your good person.

20:16.875 --> 20:19.394
You don\'t want to be like
that token Black person.

20:19.418 --> 20:21.310
The one that\'s like,
oh, yeah, that\'s right.

20:21.334 --> 20:24.268
That\'s all Black people,
right there in you.

20:24.292 --> 20:25.042
Yeah.

20:27.499 --> 20:31.018
Too white to be Black,
and too Black to be white.

20:31.042 --> 20:36.143
Just what was going
on on their insides?

20:36.167 --> 20:38.185
To understand one\'s
perspective, you

20:38.209 --> 20:40.310
have to listen to
the experience.

20:40.334 --> 20:43.143
So I enlisted the help of
some of my close friends

20:43.167 --> 20:47.185
to share their stories about
growing up in suburbia.

20:47.209 --> 20:49.475
Growing up in a predominantly
white community,

20:49.499 --> 20:54.435
you do feel like, I wish I had
long hair, long blonde hair

20:54.459 --> 20:56.268
that was straight
and flowy, and that I

20:56.292 --> 20:59.851
could get wet and let
air dry, and it was just

20:59.875 --> 21:02.394
flowing like Farrah Fawcett.

21:02.418 --> 21:06.475
I wanted light skin,
white skin, blue eyes.

21:06.499 --> 21:10.810
So it\'s hard when you\'re a
young girl and you really--

21:10.834 --> 21:14.102
everyone you look up to you
on TV, or in the magazines,

21:14.126 --> 21:18.935
or teachers, they\'re
all tall, blonde.

21:18.959 --> 21:22.394
So that was hard growing
up, just being different.

21:22.418 --> 21:26.475
Always being the
only Black girl.

21:26.499 --> 21:28.060
Black person, really.

21:28.084 --> 21:30.475
Some of the comments
are quite innocent.

21:30.499 --> 21:31.475
Why is your skin black?

21:31.499 --> 21:36.475
Or, how come so-and-so on TV,
she\'s Black, but she\'s lighter?

21:36.499 --> 21:39.435
Or, why is your hair
different than mine?

21:39.459 --> 21:41.518
How come when your hair
gets wet, it gets frizzy?

21:41.542 --> 21:43.475
How come the inside
of your hand is white,

21:43.499 --> 21:45.475
but the top of your
hands are black?

21:45.499 --> 21:47.018
Just all these endless
questions that make

21:47.042 --> 21:50.310
you feel really insecure,
because it\'s pointing out

21:50.334 --> 21:51.435
your differences.

21:51.459 --> 21:55.476
Yes, most of the racism
that I felt towards me

21:55.500 --> 21:58.394
was really subtle, but
again, when I was probably

21:58.418 --> 22:00.893
first or second grade, there
was one boy in particular

22:00.917 --> 22:05.726
who was very vocal
about-- and obviously he

22:05.750 --> 22:06.475
got it from his parents.

22:06.499 --> 22:09.227
You could tell what they talked
about around the dinner table.

22:09.251 --> 22:14.227
But he-- he came running
up to me and he said,

22:14.251 --> 22:14.685
you\'re a nigger!

22:14.709 --> 22:18.060
And I was-- you know,
I didn\'t even know.

22:18.084 --> 22:20.310
I guess I knew what that
word meant, but it was so--

22:20.334 --> 22:23.475
like, it really brought into
focus, I am so different,

22:23.499 --> 22:27.475
and here\'s this person who is
my classmate, and we\'re young.

22:27.499 --> 22:31.185
You know, we\'re nine or ten
years old, and calling me

22:31.209 --> 22:31.768
that horrible name.

22:31.792 --> 22:36.268
And I was very ashamed and
hurt, and just ran home crying,

22:36.292 --> 22:38.268
and I was afraid to go
to school the next day,

22:38.292 --> 22:40.435
because I never wanted
to see him again.

22:40.459 --> 22:42.475
The typical things
that parents would say.

22:42.499 --> 22:43.475
Oh, don\'t worry about it.

22:43.499 --> 22:47.435
You know, he\'s just ignorant,
and you\'re beautiful.

22:47.459 --> 22:48.060
Black is beautiful.

22:48.084 --> 22:49.685
Be proud of what you are.

22:49.709 --> 22:52.851
And all those words sort
of fell on deaf ears

22:52.875 --> 22:54.475
because, in reality,
I was the one who

22:54.499 --> 22:58.935
had to go back to school, and I
was branded this horrible name.

22:58.959 --> 23:00.685
You\'re not even supposed
to say the N-word,

23:00.709 --> 23:02.060
and we never talked
about it at home.

23:02.084 --> 23:04.685
Like, you know, it was just
like the worst word ever,

23:04.709 --> 23:07.976
and here\'s this eight,
nine-year-old kid

23:08.000 --> 23:10.268
calling me that, and
just really shaming me.

23:10.292 --> 23:13.475
So I think my parents tried to
do a good job of building me

23:13.499 --> 23:17.976
up, but at the end of the day
I still felt the sting of it.

23:18.000 --> 23:23.018
During the early \'80s, when kids
are starting to date, at least

23:23.042 --> 23:25.475
in my school it wasn\'t
fashionable, for lack

23:25.499 --> 23:29.475
of a better term, for white
guys to date Black girls.

23:29.499 --> 23:34.475
There\'s a lot of the Black
guys dating the white girls,

23:34.499 --> 23:35.310
but the reverse--

23:35.334 --> 23:38.060
I mean, you never saw
it at my school, ever.

23:38.084 --> 23:41.475
I had a lot of guy friends,
and they were kind of the--

23:41.499 --> 23:42.394
I was the friend.

23:42.418 --> 23:46.143
There was never any romantic
overtures between us,

23:46.167 --> 23:46.768
all through high school.

23:46.792 --> 23:48.435
And I think it was kind
of like, well, she\'s

23:48.459 --> 23:49.643
a cool chick to hang out with.

23:49.667 --> 23:53.435
She\'s Black, we\'re never
going to do anything.

23:53.459 --> 23:57.475
It was cool to have a lot of guy
friends, but at the same time,

23:57.499 --> 23:58.601
I didn\'t date all
through high school

23:58.625 --> 24:02.476
because the few Black guys that
I did go to high school with

24:02.500 --> 24:05.209
were not dating Black girls.

24:07.292 --> 24:10.227
In my case, a lot of
the boys that I liked

24:10.251 --> 24:12.475
wasn\'t sure if they liked
me back and wasn\'t sure

24:12.499 --> 24:14.768
if they were allowed
to like me back.

24:14.792 --> 24:15.475
That was an issue.

24:15.499 --> 24:16.268
That was always an issue.

24:16.292 --> 24:18.475
Like, oh, you\'re Black,
so you should date him

24:18.499 --> 24:19.685
because he\'s Black, too.

24:19.709 --> 24:20.310
[laughter]

24:20.334 --> 24:21.102
That annoys me.

24:21.126 --> 24:22.352
I got that.

24:22.376 --> 24:22.768
I got that.

24:22.792 --> 24:23.726
I didn\'t even get
that, considering

24:23.750 --> 24:27.475
that all the Black guys at my
school go out with white girls.

24:27.499 --> 24:30.227
[laughter] So, yeah.

24:30.251 --> 24:32.475
White boys don\'t
say anything to you.

24:32.499 --> 24:33.018
They\'re scared.

24:33.042 --> 24:35.185
They don\'t know how to
handle a Black girl.

24:35.209 --> 24:35.851
They\'re too emotional.

24:35.875 --> 24:37.268
I feel like when
people get older

24:37.292 --> 24:38.476
and they realize
that it\'s like, oh,

24:38.500 --> 24:40.475
that person is kind
of different from me,

24:40.499 --> 24:44.475
I feel like they kind of feel
like they can\'t approach us.

24:44.499 --> 24:47.475
The Black guys that are
in the white community,

24:47.499 --> 24:48.935
they like white girls.

24:48.959 --> 24:50.060
They are pro white girl.

24:50.084 --> 24:51.475
They\'re like, oh, white girls!

24:51.499 --> 24:54.475
Because I feel like they
feel embarrassed, maybe.

24:54.499 --> 24:55.475
I don\'t know.

24:55.499 --> 24:55.976
Yeah.

24:56.000 --> 24:57.352
Maybe they\'re just used to that.

24:57.376 --> 25:02.310
Because, I mean, they grow
up with all white most

25:02.334 --> 25:02.726
of the time.

25:02.750 --> 25:06.475
I know, but they\'re still
surrounded by Black girls, too.

25:06.499 --> 25:08.060
But they just don\'t like them.

25:08.084 --> 25:09.475
They\'re not surrounded by them.

25:09.499 --> 25:11.893
They\'re mostly in
the white community,

25:11.917 --> 25:15.643
so that\'s what they deal
with day-to-day basis,

25:15.667 --> 25:16.810
for the most part.

25:16.834 --> 25:18.475
Well, I\'ve had
conversations about it,

25:18.499 --> 25:20.768
and I remember
this kid was like,

25:20.792 --> 25:22.018
it\'s not that I don\'t like them.

25:22.042 --> 25:24.475
It\'s just my friends
make fun of me.

25:24.499 --> 25:27.475
If you take a white boy
home versus a Black boy,

25:27.499 --> 25:29.935
it\'s a little bit easier
to bring a Black boy home,

25:29.959 --> 25:33.185
because that\'s your people.

25:33.209 --> 25:35.352
The white guys that
do go for Black girls,

25:35.376 --> 25:37.601
they\'re really, really
the confident ones

25:37.625 --> 25:41.352
that don\'t necessarily care
what their friends think.

25:41.376 --> 25:46.018
It\'s not the ones that like
to fit in with the crowd.

25:46.042 --> 25:48.518
So if a white guy is
going to go for you,

25:48.542 --> 25:50.475
he\'s going to be
really confident,

25:50.499 --> 25:53.227
and he\'ll like himself.

25:53.251 --> 25:55.475
You know, he\'ll be
comfortable with himself,

25:55.499 --> 25:57.810
and then he would
like a Black girl.

25:57.834 --> 25:58.667
You know?

26:00.376 --> 26:04.352
When I think about young girls
of color, African-American

26:04.376 --> 26:07.601
girls, growing up
in the suburbs,

26:07.625 --> 26:10.768
I have to think about
a lot of my friends

26:10.792 --> 26:14.475
who clearly, for a
variety of reasons,

26:14.499 --> 26:16.475
have moved to the suburbs.

26:16.499 --> 26:22.475
Mostly they say they
want to provide a better

26:22.499 --> 26:23.893
education for their children.

26:23.917 --> 26:29.268
They want to have a better
life experience for their kids.

26:29.292 --> 26:31.476
And when I think
about my friends who

26:31.500 --> 26:36.851
have made that
choice, they\'re also,

26:36.875 --> 26:39.643
as parents, navigating
this struggle

26:39.667 --> 26:43.475
with their kids
coming home saying,

26:43.499 --> 26:45.750
I don\'t like the way I look.

26:48.499 --> 26:51.851
I\'m not getting
invited to the dance.

26:51.875 --> 26:57.685
Those things, in my
mind, reflect this larger

26:57.709 --> 27:03.475
conversation around
stereotypical understandings

27:03.499 --> 27:07.475
of Blackness, and Black
women, and the ignorance

27:07.499 --> 27:14.893
that may come from being
one of few in a community.

27:14.917 --> 27:20.643
So while there are benefits
of safety, if you will,

27:20.667 --> 27:24.475
safety gets questioned
when young people don\'t

27:24.499 --> 27:27.475
feel safe to
communicate in class,

27:27.499 --> 27:31.475
or they don\'t feel safe
to express themselves

27:31.499 --> 27:36.875
freely, and really feel
a sense of self-pride.

27:39.418 --> 27:41.583
[music playing]

27:42.499 --> 27:45.601
Part of having that self-pride,
for many Black girls,

27:45.625 --> 27:49.851
includes the one thing
that makes us stand out--

27:49.875 --> 27:50.475
our hair.

27:50.499 --> 27:53.475
[music playing]

27:53.499 --> 27:55.352
They all want to
touch your hair.

27:55.376 --> 27:55.643
Exactly.

27:55.667 --> 27:57.851
People you don\'t even
know just come up to you.

27:57.875 --> 28:00.060
Can I touch your hair?

28:00.084 --> 28:00.935
Is this yours?

28:00.959 --> 28:02.499
[laughter]

28:03.834 --> 28:05.475
Oh, my gosh, it\'s
so fascinating.

28:05.499 --> 28:07.475
Dang, you got poofy hair.

28:07.499 --> 28:10.102
Hair was huge for me,
and I didn\'t really

28:10.126 --> 28:13.352
want to do my hair,
because it took forever,

28:13.376 --> 28:16.518
and my arms would get tired.

28:16.542 --> 28:18.893
It was just a lot of work.

28:18.917 --> 28:21.060
Oh, can I just make
a pillow out of it?

28:21.084 --> 28:22.643
Oh, I wish my hair
was like this!

28:22.667 --> 28:24.018
I was like, no, you don\'t.

28:24.042 --> 28:25.893
It\'s a monster in the morning.

28:25.917 --> 28:26.475
[laughter]

28:26.499 --> 28:28.475
It\'s a fight to
wrestle with my hair.

28:28.499 --> 28:32.601
I break combs, and brushes,
and straightening combs.

28:32.625 --> 28:35.475
[music playing]

28:35.499 --> 28:38.060
They say Black
people can\'t swim,

28:38.084 --> 28:42.559
but usually Black people don\'t
want to get their hair wet.

28:42.583 --> 28:44.518
[laughter]

28:44.542 --> 28:45.559
I really appreciate my hair.

28:45.583 --> 28:48.475
I really love how curly it is,
and I really like who I am.

28:48.499 --> 28:51.475
And sometimes you get so
caught up in school like that.

28:51.499 --> 28:53.476
[music playing]

28:53.500 --> 28:54.268
I like Black hair.

28:54.292 --> 28:57.810
I think it\'s so beautiful,
the volume and just how it

28:57.834 --> 29:00.475
can be so different.

29:00.499 --> 29:01.143
Like, just us.

29:01.167 --> 29:04.394
Hers is different, hers is
different, hers is different.

29:04.418 --> 29:07.475
Just, I like it.

29:07.499 --> 29:11.227
Growing up, braiding at my
house was part of our culture,

29:11.251 --> 29:13.475
and my time spent
with my family.

29:13.499 --> 29:16.685
My girls are a part of this
now, and I\'m showing them

29:16.709 --> 29:18.310
what my mom showed me--

29:18.334 --> 29:21.018
that their hair is
more than just hair.

29:21.042 --> 29:25.352
It\'s beautiful, in so many ways.

29:25.376 --> 29:27.559
And do you like your hair?

29:27.583 --> 29:28.976
Do you like that
your hair is curly,

29:29.000 --> 29:31.685
or do you want straight,
long hair all the time,

29:31.709 --> 29:32.475
like your friends have?

29:32.499 --> 29:35.475
Like your white friends
have straight, long hair?

29:35.499 --> 29:38.018
Do you ever want their hair?

29:38.042 --> 29:40.685
Well, not really, but sometimes.

29:40.709 --> 29:44.435
But I like just these braids.

29:44.459 --> 29:46.435
You like your braids?

29:46.459 --> 29:47.601
Yeah.

29:47.625 --> 29:52.518
Jayla, have you ever wanted
hair like your friends\' hair?

29:52.542 --> 29:53.559
No.

29:53.583 --> 29:54.185
No?

29:54.209 --> 29:54.475
No.

29:54.499 --> 29:58.227
Because I like the way my hair
is, and how you can do so much

29:58.251 --> 29:58.685
stuff with it.

29:58.709 --> 30:01.643
And with straight hair,
you can\'t do too much stuff

30:01.667 --> 30:05.475
with it, like braid
it so it\'ll stay.

30:05.499 --> 30:06.475
If they had to
braid it like this,

30:06.499 --> 30:11.518
then they\'d have to put little
rubber bands in each one.

30:11.542 --> 30:16.893
But with my hair, it just
stays, so it\'s easier to braid,

30:16.917 --> 30:20.143
and I\'ve never wished I could--
actually, when I was little,

30:20.167 --> 30:22.601
I guess I actually wondered
why I didn\'t have hair

30:22.625 --> 30:26.394
like everybody else, because
I was the only Black person

30:26.418 --> 30:29.060
in my kindergarten class.

30:29.084 --> 30:31.476
But then you told me why.

30:31.500 --> 30:36.185
Actually, I lied about everybody
liking my hair all the time.

30:36.209 --> 30:40.518
She actually said that
she didn\'t like my hair.

30:40.542 --> 30:42.060
She said, your hair looks funny.

30:42.084 --> 30:43.685
Why isn\'t it like
everybody else\'s?

30:43.709 --> 30:46.435
And I didn\'t know why,
and I was really sad.

30:46.459 --> 30:49.976
What would you say to her
now, if she said that to you?

30:50.000 --> 30:52.810
I\'d just say, that\'s
what you think.

30:52.834 --> 30:54.518
I think my hair is beautiful.

30:54.542 --> 30:55.851
And then just walk away.

30:55.875 --> 31:00.475
I just tried to find hairstyles
that were very low-maintenance.

31:00.499 --> 31:03.810
I pretty much always
had my hair in braids.

31:03.834 --> 31:06.435
Closed myself off for two
days, took my hair out,

31:06.459 --> 31:10.475
got my hair braided, and then
popped back into society.

31:10.499 --> 31:12.768
And then they were
none the wiser.

31:12.792 --> 31:14.976
But if I hadn\'t
done that, it would

31:15.000 --> 31:19.643
have been huge conversations
about hair all the time.

31:19.667 --> 31:23.352
And since taking my
hair out of braids,

31:23.376 --> 31:26.475
and just wearing
my hair natural,

31:26.499 --> 31:28.475
I feel much better
about it, but I

31:28.499 --> 31:31.475
wouldn\'t have had
that self-esteem

31:31.499 --> 31:33.102
when I was in high
school or in school,

31:33.126 --> 31:37.601
because the perception
of beauty, there\'s

31:37.625 --> 31:40.976
such a white standard
for what beauty

31:41.000 --> 31:43.475
is that I didn\'t represent.

31:43.499 --> 31:46.018
And so I didn\'t feel
comfortable within myself.

31:46.042 --> 31:46.601
Now I do.

31:46.625 --> 31:50.310
I had those conversations,
and I didn\'t mind having them,

31:50.334 --> 31:52.394
but at times it
did get exhausting.

31:52.418 --> 31:56.499
Thankfully, my girls have an
appreciation for their hair.

32:01.459 --> 32:03.475
I scared them with
my proper talk,

32:03.499 --> 32:07.475
and I scared them with my
fervent walk, and the light

32:07.499 --> 32:09.475
that I had in my eyes.

32:09.499 --> 32:13.018
From which direction
did this fear come?

32:13.042 --> 32:16.018
From both sides.

32:16.042 --> 32:17.643
In high school, we had to do--

32:17.667 --> 32:19.851
I don\'t remember
the context of it,

32:19.875 --> 32:22.559
but we had to take a
chunk of time in history

32:22.583 --> 32:23.834
and do a project.

32:27.292 --> 32:30.394
Part of the project was around
doing research, and finding

32:30.418 --> 32:34.475
a person to talk to, and to
come in to talk to the class,

32:34.499 --> 32:35.018
or whatever.

32:35.042 --> 32:39.726
And I don\'t remember
exactly what my project was,

32:39.750 --> 32:44.352
but it was around Black history,
or African-American history.

32:44.376 --> 32:45.685
And I actually had
my dad come in,

32:45.709 --> 32:50.060
because he does a lot of work--
he\'s a college professor.

32:50.084 --> 32:51.518
He teaches
African-American literature

32:51.542 --> 32:54.518
and does some different
things with Black Studies,

32:54.542 --> 32:57.518
so he is very knowledgeable.

32:57.542 --> 33:00.018
So I had my dad come in,
and I asked my teacher

33:00.042 --> 33:02.102
if he could come in,
because he loves to do

33:02.126 --> 33:03.435
these kinds of things anyway.

33:03.459 --> 33:06.768
And immediately everybody was
really excited, but for them,

33:06.792 --> 33:08.475
they were taking his
knowledge as being--

33:08.499 --> 33:11.185
because he was a Black man,
oh, he\'ll be great at this.

33:11.209 --> 33:12.685
And for me, I was
thinking, no, he\'s

33:12.709 --> 33:15.601
actually a college
professor who teaches,

33:15.625 --> 33:17.559
and that\'s why he\'ll
be good at this.

33:17.583 --> 33:23.893
I think the joke that my sister
and I had was that, growing up,

33:23.917 --> 33:24.601
my dad sort of--

33:24.625 --> 33:28.917
we were the weight of the
world of Black people.

33:30.917 --> 33:32.601
He would always say
it in a joking way,

33:32.625 --> 33:33.768
but there was a
seriousness to it.

33:33.792 --> 33:37.352
He was like, you might be the
first and the only Black people

33:37.376 --> 33:43.310
that this group of our community
is ever going to know or meet.

33:43.334 --> 33:45.475
I\'m getting teary-eyed, sorry.

33:45.499 --> 33:47.976
So he was just like,
you need to make sure

33:48.000 --> 33:51.227
that they think that every Black
person doesn\'t sag their pants,

33:51.251 --> 33:52.643
can\'t speak good
English, isn\'t going

33:52.667 --> 33:54.935
to be pregnant by
the time they\'re 16,

33:54.959 --> 33:55.685
and is actually very smart.

33:55.709 --> 34:00.268
I feel like I did that, and my
sister did that, so part of me

34:00.292 --> 34:03.475
feels like I have helped
the Black community,

34:03.499 --> 34:07.475
and people realize that there
are a lot of-- black is really

34:07.499 --> 34:12.559
a color, and people can be
smart, they can be stupid,

34:12.583 --> 34:14.475
regardless of what
color they are.

34:14.499 --> 34:17.352
And people can make bad
choices or good choices,

34:17.376 --> 34:18.394
and it\'s not really about race.

34:18.418 --> 34:23.185
And so I feel like sometimes
it felt like a lot of pressure,

34:23.209 --> 34:27.601
but I feel like-- and I think
that\'s the thing I struggled

34:27.625 --> 34:31.227
with, with other Black people,
and having Black people give me

34:31.251 --> 34:35.601
a hard time about not being
Black enough, is part of me

34:35.625 --> 34:36.475
felt like, you know what?

34:36.499 --> 34:39.475
I feel like I\'m doing a
good representation of what

34:39.499 --> 34:42.394
we want the Black
community to be like,

34:42.418 --> 34:44.643
and what we want
people to realize,

34:44.667 --> 34:47.185
and the things that
Black people can do.

34:47.209 --> 34:53.102
So, in that sense, I
really am glad that I

34:53.126 --> 34:54.476
went through the things I did.

34:54.500 --> 34:57.851
[music playing]

34:57.875 --> 35:01.476
Yes, you speak how you
speak, you are who you are,

35:01.500 --> 35:03.726
and at some point
the hope is that you

35:03.750 --> 35:06.268
will be comfortable
with that, irrespective

35:06.292 --> 35:08.475
of where you grew up.

35:08.499 --> 35:11.352
And so there is
no one experience,

35:11.376 --> 35:13.851
there\'s no one Black
experience, there\'s

35:13.875 --> 35:15.810
no one suburban
experience, there\'s

35:15.834 --> 35:18.643
no one female experience.

35:18.667 --> 35:22.227
There are elements of truth
that run throughout that.

35:22.251 --> 35:25.102
I wish I got and
understood what Rhea

35:25.126 --> 35:26.475
is saying when I was younger.

35:26.499 --> 35:28.435
It would have helped
with my relationships

35:28.459 --> 35:30.768
with other Black kids
that called me white.

35:30.792 --> 35:33.018
I hope to instill
this into my girls,

35:33.042 --> 35:34.667
and the girls in the film.

35:36.875 --> 35:41.851
I think it\'s a little harder
on the Black side, kind of.

35:41.875 --> 35:45.475
Because it\'s like, oh,
well, you don\'t act like us,

35:45.499 --> 35:47.893
and you wear all
this other stuff,

35:47.917 --> 35:50.475
and so you\'re not like
us, kind of thing.

35:50.499 --> 35:51.643
So, yeah, that can be hard.

35:51.667 --> 35:55.976
In this school I\'m sort
of a loner, sort of,

35:56.000 --> 36:00.685
and I don\'t necessarily fit
in with a lot of people.

36:00.709 --> 36:04.976
So I have a little
group I stick in--

36:05.000 --> 36:08.475
Jose\'s room,
basically-- and then

36:08.499 --> 36:10.893
whoever comes in
there, I try and talk

36:10.917 --> 36:14.018
even though I\'m really shy.

36:14.042 --> 36:18.685
But I feel like when I\'m
around people who are Black,

36:18.709 --> 36:21.185
I don\'t really fit in,
and I\'m the outsider

36:21.209 --> 36:24.475
because I\'ve lived here my
entire life, pretty much.

36:24.499 --> 36:30.726
So I don\'t get along
with Black people.

36:30.750 --> 36:33.976
Like, if I went somewhere
where it was the majority,

36:34.000 --> 36:38.227
I\'d probably sort
of freak out, maybe.

36:38.251 --> 36:41.768
They\'ll say, try to talk Black.

36:41.792 --> 36:43.060
And I\'m like, what?

36:43.084 --> 36:45.475
What is Black, and
what is talking white?

36:45.499 --> 36:46.685
Like, I don\'t see a difference.

36:46.709 --> 36:50.685
Some people have a very small
scope of what Black culture is.

36:50.709 --> 36:54.476
They think that if you\'re
not stereotypically \"Black,\"

36:54.500 --> 36:57.268
then you\'re whitewashed,
or you\'re a sellout,

36:57.292 --> 37:00.935
or you\'re not genuine.

37:00.959 --> 37:01.893
Yeah, you\'re not genuine.

37:01.917 --> 37:05.268
Which is really not
accurate for either person.

37:05.292 --> 37:06.976
And the person that\'s
usually saying it

37:07.000 --> 37:09.518
is usually someone
who hasn\'t had

37:09.542 --> 37:11.018
the experience or
the exposure to know

37:11.042 --> 37:14.310
that these are all the elements
of what Black culture has

37:14.334 --> 37:18.435
to offer, and that everything
within that is acceptable,

37:18.459 --> 37:18.810
and it fits.

37:18.834 --> 37:22.851
Yeah, I am African-American
and everything like that,

37:22.875 --> 37:24.185
but it\'s like--

37:24.209 --> 37:29.559
just because I am doesn\'t
mean I have to be that way,

37:29.583 --> 37:34.143
and talk and act the way
they thought I should act.

37:34.167 --> 37:35.475
So that always confused me.

37:35.499 --> 37:36.018
I was like, what?

37:36.042 --> 37:36.768
That doesn\'t make any sense.

37:36.792 --> 37:40.475
Your color doesn\'t really
define who you are as a person.

37:40.499 --> 37:43.185
I mean, I might have
sounded like a valley girl,

37:43.209 --> 37:45.559
but I talked like my mother.

37:45.583 --> 37:46.476
My mother grew up in New York.

37:46.500 --> 37:49.310
She didn\'t have an
accent, a New York accent,

37:49.334 --> 37:50.475
but I would get a hard time.

37:50.499 --> 37:52.435
People would give me
a hard time about it.

37:52.459 --> 37:55.643
I don\'t really notice
it, because I\'m like,

37:55.667 --> 37:56.476
this is the way I talk.

37:56.500 --> 37:58.643
This is the way
people around me talk.

37:58.667 --> 38:04.143
You talk the way that you
were brought up, or raised,

38:04.167 --> 38:05.310
or the area that you live in.

38:05.334 --> 38:08.185
If you go to the south, they
have a different dialect

38:08.209 --> 38:10.060
and they talk in
a different way.

38:10.084 --> 38:12.685
Now, if I grew up there, I\'d
probably talk in that way.

38:12.709 --> 38:15.475
But since I didn\'t, I
talk in the way that I do,

38:15.499 --> 38:18.976
and it has no bearing
on race to me.

38:19.000 --> 38:24.394
Sure, maybe class, education,
but definitely not race.

38:24.418 --> 38:27.227
I find it hard to
think that there

38:27.251 --> 38:31.102
are people in this present
day, the 21st century,

38:31.126 --> 38:35.810
still berating individuals
for the way they speak.

38:35.834 --> 38:41.018
I know it happens, but
it\'s like, what planet--

38:41.042 --> 38:46.227
I mean, seriously, folks
live where they live

38:46.251 --> 38:47.475
and they talk the way they--

38:47.499 --> 38:50.000
I mean, we have black Brits.

38:52.500 --> 38:56.475
We have Black people who
penetrate this world that

38:56.499 --> 39:02.475
speak fluent French, who speak
the King\'s and Queen\'s English.

39:02.499 --> 39:03.185
All of these things.

39:03.209 --> 39:05.518
So for someone to say
someone\'s talking white

39:05.542 --> 39:12.559
is just kind of hard for me
to really give much credence,

39:12.583 --> 39:13.792
basically.

39:15.499 --> 39:18.601
Too white to be black,
and too black to be white,

39:18.625 --> 39:24.476
and a blow to their egos because
I refuse to be an oversight.

39:24.500 --> 39:26.601
As I was interviewing
these young ladies

39:26.625 --> 39:28.559
about their experiences
in suburbia,

39:28.583 --> 39:31.518
I was curious to see
if being biracial

39:31.542 --> 39:34.601
made a difference in how
people looked at them.

39:34.625 --> 39:36.475
Is anybody mixed?

39:36.499 --> 39:41.601
So how is your guys\'
experience, being mixed kids?

39:41.625 --> 39:46.475
Do you still get the
Black girl reactions?

39:46.499 --> 39:47.685
Yeah, definitely.

39:47.709 --> 39:48.475
We\'re still Black.

39:48.499 --> 39:50.976
People don\'t really look
at the other side of you.

39:51.000 --> 39:52.475
And most the time
people will just

39:52.499 --> 39:53.893
assume that you\'re half white.

39:53.917 --> 39:55.559
Like, my dad\'s Chinese.

39:55.583 --> 39:58.475
People always assume
that I\'m white.

39:58.499 --> 40:00.475
Mixed kids aren\'t
just Black and white.

40:00.499 --> 40:03.935
There\'s so many other races out
there you can be mixed with.

40:03.959 --> 40:07.475
And most of the time I
just get grouped as Black,

40:07.499 --> 40:10.475
even though I\'m African, so--

40:10.499 --> 40:11.018
Yeah.

40:11.042 --> 40:13.976
For myself, there\'s
a lot of assumptions.

40:14.000 --> 40:16.475
I\'m half Caribbean, so
people don\'t understand

40:16.499 --> 40:19.475
what Caribbean is, and it\'s
different in every case,

40:19.499 --> 40:19.976
on every island.

40:20.000 --> 40:23.352
And for myself, my father
is from Trinidad and Tobago.

40:23.376 --> 40:23.935
Well, from Trinidad.

40:23.959 --> 40:26.726
And when I tell people I\'m half
Black and I\'m half Caribbean,

40:26.750 --> 40:28.559
they\'re like, so
you\'re Jamaican?

40:28.583 --> 40:32.102
Isn\'t that the same thing,
Black and Caribbean?

40:32.126 --> 40:33.559
No, it\'s not.

40:33.583 --> 40:34.685
At all.

40:34.709 --> 40:35.394
I don\'t know.

40:35.418 --> 40:38.352
I was raised by white
people, so I see things

40:38.376 --> 40:40.499
from a different perspective.

40:42.292 --> 40:45.935
How is being a Black girl in a
predominantly white community,

40:45.959 --> 40:49.394
but also at home, right?

40:49.418 --> 40:52.643
What is that experience for you?

40:52.667 --> 40:53.475
I don\'t know.

40:53.499 --> 40:58.499
I don\'t view my skin color as
the first thing that I notice.

41:01.334 --> 41:05.060
Do you notice that
other people do?

41:05.084 --> 41:05.475
Sometimes.

41:05.499 --> 41:07.475
Like if they\'re making
jokes, and if it\'s

41:07.499 --> 41:10.768
about a Black person,
they\'ll be like, no offense.

41:10.792 --> 41:13.518
Being mixed-- like
me, I\'m half Indian.

41:13.542 --> 41:15.935
People make fun of me sometimes.

41:15.959 --> 41:19.851
It hurts, but my
dad always told me

41:19.875 --> 41:23.143
don\'t let bad words get to you.

41:23.167 --> 41:28.394
So I take that advice, and
ignore all the racial comments

41:28.418 --> 41:30.000
and all the bad comments.

41:32.209 --> 41:35.976
I grew up in Detroit,
and I have friends--

41:36.000 --> 41:39.475
and I still have friends,
who we call them \"mixed.\"

41:39.499 --> 41:42.475
Which now it\'s
kind of like, OK, I

41:42.499 --> 41:45.935
don\'t know if that\'s
politically correct.

41:45.959 --> 41:50.143
But even then, we didn\'t even
know that they were \"mixed,\"

41:50.167 --> 41:50.601
quote unquote.

41:50.625 --> 41:55.559
It was more about,
your mom was white.

41:55.583 --> 41:56.976
I mean, and then kept it moving.

41:57.000 --> 41:58.476
Like, it was not a thing at all.

41:58.500 --> 42:03.102
Now, for them, it may have been
a negotiation and they were

42:03.126 --> 42:06.601
navigating the world, but
they were in our predominantly

42:06.625 --> 42:10.268
African-American environment
and kind of just embraced

42:10.292 --> 42:11.310
themselves as--

42:11.334 --> 42:14.685
when hanging out with me and
our friends, they were Black.

42:14.709 --> 42:17.518
It was not even a question.

42:17.542 --> 42:20.435
Can\'t seem to win and
please the masses,

42:20.459 --> 42:25.185
so I guess my major
task is just to be me.

42:25.209 --> 42:27.643
Never plain or ordinary.

42:27.667 --> 42:29.475
They\'ll see that I\'m free.

42:29.499 --> 42:33.475
Then maybe, just
maybe, they will decide

42:33.499 --> 42:36.499
that they want to side with me.

42:38.000 --> 42:42.768
There were pivotal points in my
life, beginning from the time

42:42.792 --> 42:49.352
before I was two years old,
where my older sister who

42:49.376 --> 42:52.601
is Native American and--

42:52.625 --> 42:53.352
German?

42:53.376 --> 42:54.685
Irish?

42:54.709 --> 42:55.893
Hmm?

42:55.917 --> 42:56.435
Irish.

42:56.459 --> 42:57.851
Native American and Irish.

42:57.875 --> 43:01.143
So, as the rest of the world
would see her, she was white,

43:01.167 --> 43:03.518
and I\'m a mixed baby.

43:03.542 --> 43:09.018
And I remember her telling
me that, when I was--

43:09.042 --> 43:10.851
I think I was a little
over one year old,

43:10.875 --> 43:12.475
and I was sitting
there, and she always

43:12.499 --> 43:16.475
used to sit me up in
front of the glass mirror

43:16.499 --> 43:17.893
as she would put on her makeup.

43:17.917 --> 43:23.268
And she said one morning I sat
there and I was staring at her,

43:23.292 --> 43:25.475
and she just kind of
stopped and looked at me.

43:25.499 --> 43:27.475
She was putting on
her face makeup,

43:27.499 --> 43:32.475
and she had another powder
compact on the counter,

43:32.499 --> 43:34.559
and she said I picked it
up and I looked at it,

43:34.583 --> 43:37.726
and then I looked at her, and
then I looked at it again,

43:37.750 --> 43:40.726
and then I turned and I looked
at myself in the mirror,

43:40.750 --> 43:42.102
and then I turned
and looked at her,

43:42.126 --> 43:46.143
and then I touched her
face, and she yelled, Mom!

43:46.167 --> 43:48.475
CC\'s realizing she\'s Black!

43:48.499 --> 43:49.976
[laughter]

43:50.000 --> 43:56.435
I think that my personal
feelings of being different

43:56.459 --> 43:56.851
were that--

43:56.875 --> 44:01.143
I was raised by my grandparents,
so my biological mom\'s

44:01.167 --> 44:05.475
blonde hair, blue eyes,
fair, fair, fair skin.

44:05.499 --> 44:09.435
And I had no idea
who my dad was.

44:09.459 --> 44:17.475
So the source of my skin
color was not there.

44:17.499 --> 44:21.310
So I think that that\'s why it
wasn\'t very important to me,

44:21.334 --> 44:25.352
but at the same time, when
I was 13 and I found out who

44:25.376 --> 44:27.726
my biological mother was--
who was also in the family,

44:27.750 --> 44:30.935
I just didn\'t know
that she was my mom--

44:30.959 --> 44:33.310
I had that feeling
of, well, why can\'t I

44:33.334 --> 44:34.394
have blonde hair, blue eyes?

44:34.418 --> 44:36.810
But it didn\'t come
from the outside media,

44:36.834 --> 44:39.268
this is what you should
look like because this

44:39.292 --> 44:39.893
is what\'s attractive.

44:39.917 --> 44:43.518
It came from a little girl who
wanted to look like her mom.

44:43.542 --> 44:46.102
And then being raised by her
mom\'s side of the family,

44:46.126 --> 44:52.976
and not being able to identify
at all with the other half that

44:53.000 --> 44:54.976
gave me the skin
color that I have,

44:55.000 --> 44:56.643
or the skin complexion
that I have,

44:56.667 --> 44:59.475
that\'s kind of where feeling
different came from for me.

44:59.499 --> 45:02.060
I could care less about what
the other little kids around me

45:02.084 --> 45:05.310
said. (LAUGHING) Or felt.
It was more personal.

45:05.334 --> 45:07.475
One of my really good friends
in seventh grade one day

45:07.499 --> 45:11.435
said, CC, I think you\'re the
whitest Black girl I\'ve ever

45:11.459 --> 45:12.475
met.

45:12.499 --> 45:14.435
And I just was like,
what does that even mean?

45:14.459 --> 45:17.518
At that point in time, I
didn\'t know what that meant.

45:17.542 --> 45:19.559
But when I was introduced
to Black culture,

45:19.583 --> 45:24.643
I realized what people saw when
they looked at me, for the most

45:24.667 --> 45:25.185
part.

45:25.209 --> 45:26.726
As far as being raised
with the Black culture,

45:26.750 --> 45:28.768
that side of the
family was never there,

45:28.792 --> 45:31.475
and that\'s something
that\'s learned.

45:31.499 --> 45:32.893
You can\'t act a color.

45:32.917 --> 45:34.227
I\'m talking about
how important it

45:34.251 --> 45:36.475
is to know who you
are as an individual,

45:36.499 --> 45:39.475
but also to know how
the rest of the world

45:39.499 --> 45:46.268
sees you, because
then you can make--

45:46.292 --> 45:48.685
if you can tell that someone
sees you a certain way,

45:48.709 --> 45:53.643
and you know that, but you
know that you\'re not that way,

45:53.667 --> 45:55.810
then you can show them who
you really are, and then

45:55.834 --> 45:59.601
make them feel comfortable
about asking any questions,

45:59.625 --> 46:00.601
and then you can educate them.

46:00.625 --> 46:02.893
And it\'s like one person
at a time, you know?

46:02.917 --> 46:05.475
And then the focus
becomes on, once again,

46:05.499 --> 46:06.475
who you are as a person.

46:06.499 --> 46:08.601
And that person walks
away enlightened,

46:08.625 --> 46:10.518
and actually gets
to see and learn

46:10.542 --> 46:13.475
who you are versus
what they thought

46:13.499 --> 46:16.292
they saw from the outside.

46:19.084 --> 46:20.475
I grew up in a
nice neighborhood,

46:20.499 --> 46:23.893
and I developed friendships
with a lot of great people.

46:23.917 --> 46:26.475
The hard part was that
none of my white friends

46:26.499 --> 46:28.726
knew some of the
challenges that I faced,

46:28.750 --> 46:31.685
and it would have been
difficult for me to explain it

46:31.709 --> 46:34.060
and for them to understand it.

46:34.084 --> 46:35.601
You were just all
part of the group.

46:35.625 --> 46:37.475
Never thought about
you being Black,

46:37.499 --> 46:39.060
never thought of color at all.

46:39.084 --> 46:40.227
Yeah, color wasn\'t an issue.

46:40.251 --> 46:41.475
We never thought about color.

46:41.499 --> 46:43.268
It\'s been a good time, right?

46:43.292 --> 46:44.394
Yeah.

46:44.418 --> 46:45.102
Yeah, we had a good time.

46:45.126 --> 46:47.768
This was a really great
neighborhood to grow up in.

46:47.792 --> 46:48.768
And it still is.

46:48.792 --> 46:52.475
Find that space,
find that community.

46:52.499 --> 46:58.227
If it\'s extended family,
if it\'s immediate family--

46:58.251 --> 47:02.018
those that you trust and love,
that you can just be yourself

47:02.042 --> 47:07.018
with, and I think that that\'s
the best way to navigate

47:07.042 --> 47:11.310
those very real experiences.

47:11.334 --> 47:14.726
I think it just shows our
sense of resilience, as well.

47:14.750 --> 47:19.475
I think it\'s good that I am
positive and nice and happy,

47:19.499 --> 47:19.935
because--

47:19.959 --> 47:21.475
I don\'t know, I feel
like I-- well, I

47:21.499 --> 47:23.601
am representing
African-Americans,

47:23.625 --> 47:28.227
so maybe they won\'t stereotype
the next one that they see,

47:28.251 --> 47:29.475
because they could be like me.

47:29.499 --> 47:32.475
I think, for myself,
growing up in suburbia,

47:32.499 --> 47:35.726
I just kind of see
myself as just who I am.

47:35.750 --> 47:37.060
Like, I realize
at times that I\'m

47:37.084 --> 47:40.352
different than my neighbors,
or people around me,

47:40.376 --> 47:44.475
but growing up, I never
saw color as a thing.

47:44.499 --> 47:45.893
And I just kind of
embrace who I am,

47:45.917 --> 47:48.685
and from there, that
determines who I hang out with

47:48.709 --> 47:49.394
and how I dress.

47:49.418 --> 47:51.559
Whatever I like is
what I wear, and I just

47:51.583 --> 47:56.352
don\'t feed into what
should be assumed to me.

47:56.376 --> 47:59.893
I feel like my parents maybe
did a really good job of making

47:59.917 --> 48:01.726
sure that I thought that way.

48:01.750 --> 48:05.435
Us, and the other girls
that you interviewed,

48:05.459 --> 48:07.935
know that we\'re not all
alone and that there are

48:07.959 --> 48:09.310
more of us that feel this way.

48:09.334 --> 48:12.102
It\'ll probably help
us to see, and get

48:12.126 --> 48:15.143
that push to continue to go
forward, because we\'re not

48:15.167 --> 48:17.185
the only ones feeling this way.

48:17.209 --> 48:18.768
We\'re not alone.

48:18.792 --> 48:21.475
Being raised in
predominantly white areas

48:21.499 --> 48:25.102
my whole entire
life, I definitely

48:25.126 --> 48:28.810
have look on that perspective.

48:28.834 --> 48:33.768
Well, I want to get out,
because I don\'t like it at all.

48:33.792 --> 48:38.685
So I\'m going to try my
hardest to raise my kids in--

48:38.709 --> 48:41.893
I\'m not going to say all
Black, but way more culturally

48:41.917 --> 48:45.959
diverse, because I really
do see it as a problem.

48:49.917 --> 48:53.227
I wouldn\'t want my kids to
go through the same things I

48:53.251 --> 48:53.685
went through.

48:53.709 --> 48:57.084
[reflective music]

49:02.875 --> 49:05.435
In a weird way, I
think people thought,

49:05.459 --> 49:07.394
even though we
were different, we

49:07.418 --> 49:09.851
were still part of
their community.

49:09.875 --> 49:11.352
And, in general,
people were nice to us.

49:11.376 --> 49:14.685
I mean, both you and I, we
got along well with people

49:14.709 --> 49:16.018
and had friends at school.

49:16.042 --> 49:19.643
But I think people now have
grown up, gone to college,

49:19.667 --> 49:22.475
gone to different places,
lived in different cities,

49:22.499 --> 49:25.060
they realize that
it must have been

49:25.084 --> 49:26.310
hard to grow up living there.

49:26.334 --> 49:29.518
When you don\'t know where you
come from, or the specifics,

49:29.542 --> 49:33.893
then you choose who you
are and who you want to be.

49:33.917 --> 49:35.810
It\'s based off of your
faith, and your beliefs,

49:35.834 --> 49:39.851
and your morals and values,
and what you want to do.

49:39.875 --> 49:41.685
My parents always
told me that I could

49:41.709 --> 49:46.475
do and be whatever I wanted
to, and that there was nothing

49:46.499 --> 49:48.102
that was going to stop me.

49:48.126 --> 49:53.018
I don\'t think it\'s too
hard to be of color,

49:53.042 --> 50:03.143
and to live in a place with lots
of whites and Hispanic people,

50:03.167 --> 50:12.768
but there might be
a few experiences.

50:12.792 --> 50:15.475
But if you\'re just
nice to other people,

50:15.499 --> 50:21.060
and if they treat you the way
that you want to be treated,

50:21.084 --> 50:24.102
and you treat them the way
you want to be treated--

50:24.126 --> 50:27.810
I mean, they treat you the way
that they want to be treated,

50:27.834 --> 50:30.935
and you treat them the way
that you want to be treated,

50:30.959 --> 50:34.476
then everything will
work out all right.

50:34.500 --> 50:36.685
I started on this
journey for my girls,

50:36.709 --> 50:40.018
to show them that they are not
alone in what they go through,

50:40.042 --> 50:42.475
or what they will go
through when they\'re older.

50:42.499 --> 50:45.310
My girls are confident,
smart young ladies.

50:45.334 --> 50:48.102
They, along with all of
the women in this film,

50:48.126 --> 50:50.185
have allowed me to
open a dialogue--

50:50.209 --> 50:56.060
a dialogue about race,
identity, self-worth, and pride.

50:56.084 --> 50:57.310
What I\'ve learned
from this journey

50:57.334 --> 51:00.559
is that Black Girl in Suburbia
is an experience shared

51:00.583 --> 51:02.685
by many, but not
in the same way,

51:02.709 --> 51:07.435
because we are all individuals
with different perspectives.

51:07.459 --> 51:08.893
This is the best part--

51:08.917 --> 51:10.851
awareness opened
through dialogue.

51:10.875 --> 51:13.542
[music playing]

51:22.625 --> 51:26.352
[MUSIC - MADGESDIQ, \"CAN WE
TALK\"]

51:26.376 --> 51:30.935
What person, what visionary,
is going to get us together?

51:30.959 --> 51:34.583
Because we\'re going in
the wrong direction.

51:37.042 --> 51:38.559
I\'m broke, but my
spirits is high.

51:38.583 --> 51:41.518
Do when I can to get
by, as I open my eye,

51:41.542 --> 51:43.060
breathe in a sigh of relief.

51:43.084 --> 51:45.976
All I see is suffering
and grief, no peace.

51:46.000 --> 51:48.102
Maybe I was better off asleep.

51:48.126 --> 51:49.475
Life was much easier then.

51:49.499 --> 51:51.143
Less structure,
had more friends,

51:51.167 --> 51:52.726
had an easier time fittin\' in.

51:52.750 --> 51:55.102
Now I\'m watching
it come to an end,

51:55.126 --> 51:56.018
marching forever, growing slim.

51:56.042 --> 51:58.268
That\'s how they keep your
faith when it\'s grim.

51:58.292 --> 52:01.310
I see you pointin\',
tappin\' your friends.

52:01.334 --> 52:01.726
Who is him?

52:01.750 --> 52:03.060
Like bein\' Black and
conscious is a sin.

52:03.084 --> 52:06.893
At the sight of me I see you
laugh, and my heart you stab.

52:06.917 --> 52:09.726
I watch your eyes
roll, takes its toll.

52:09.750 --> 52:11.851
Why you so disgusted
by my presence?

52:11.875 --> 52:13.435
Because of the
clothes that I wear,

52:13.459 --> 52:15.268
think I\'m a peasant
when I\'m not.

52:15.292 --> 52:16.475
And even if I was,
would that make

52:16.499 --> 52:20.726
it cool for you to see and
treat me like I was a fool?

52:20.750 --> 52:23.518
[instrumental break]

52:23.542 --> 52:30.625
Can we talk, for a minute?

52:33.209 --> 52:34.643
Can I talk to you?

52:34.667 --> 52:36.143
Can we talk?

52:36.167 --> 52:39.518
Just for a minute.

52:39.542 --> 52:40.726
For a minute.

52:40.750 --> 52:42.768
Why you lookin\'
at me like you do?

52:42.792 --> 52:43.976
What did I ever do to you?

52:44.000 --> 52:46.935
It\'s your own discomfort
you see the world through.

52:46.959 --> 52:49.394
Thinkin\' that you know
me, but you really don\'t.

52:49.418 --> 52:52.435
The assumptions you
make, they way off-base.

52:52.459 --> 52:54.475
Is it my locs, is it
my beard, my race?

52:54.499 --> 52:57.475
Is it the red in my eyes,
do I seem out of place,

52:57.499 --> 52:59.851
that causes you to act
with such apprehension?

52:59.875 --> 53:03.475
Mr. or Mrs. You both, we
summon your attention.

53:03.499 --> 53:03.893
Hey!

53:03.917 --> 53:04.935
Can I holler at
you for a minute,

53:04.959 --> 53:07.851
so you can come in on my
mind and the power in it?

53:07.875 --> 53:10.475
But you don\'t understand,
you see no value in it.

53:10.499 --> 53:13.268
I\'m staying true to myself,
exceeding all your limits.

53:13.292 --> 53:15.685
Why you livin\' in hell,
without no freedom in it?

53:15.709 --> 53:18.685
All afraid, \'cause you\'re
close to them standing in it.

53:18.709 --> 53:21.810
Extending out my hand, that
you won\'t reach to touch.

53:21.834 --> 53:24.042
I thought bein\'
human was enough.

53:27.792 --> 53:34.601
Can we talk, for a minute?

53:34.625 --> 53:38.060
I really want to talk to you.

53:38.084 --> 53:38.685
You listenin\'?

53:38.709 --> 53:44.559
Can we talk, for a minute?

53:44.583 --> 53:47.792
[music fades]