The Boy Inside

[00:00:02.86] [MUSIC PLAYING]

[00:00:09.07] My dream school year would probably be getting straight A's, our basketball team winning the championship, becoming a more popular kid in school, getting a lot more girlfriends. And yeah. My first kiss, also.

[00:00:36.26] Will you shut up? I'm not interested.

[00:00:39.17] OK.

[00:00:39.54] Chill, man. Just chill.

[00:00:40.55] Yeah, chill man.

[00:00:44.34] Let him pick a chair. It's not a big deal. It really isn't.

[00:00:47.94] Dad, you know, it matters to me.

[00:00:49.98] Yeah, but you'll get over it. I promise you.

[00:00:52.42] OK If I just break everything in your room, you'll get over it, I'm sure.

[00:00:59.51] That guy. That's me. Adam.

[00:01:02.69] Do you have a Scrabble board?

[00:01:04.02] We do have a Scrabble board.

[00:01:05.21] I have Asperger's Syndrome but I wish I didn't. It makes life really hard on everyone.

[00:01:11.38] This is my mom, Marianne. She is a very important person in my life. She helps me a lot when I'm in trouble. Sometimes, she gets annoying, but for most part, she's really fun to be around.

[00:01:22.77] This is my sister, Sarah. She's the one who usually bites and hits me, but when she's not acting like a wolverine, she's really nice towards me. And even if she isn't, I always love her.

[00:01:36.24] This is my dad, Peter. He is 51-years-old. And he sometimes gets mad easily. But in the most part, he's a very gentle guy and I love him.

[00:01:49.90] Adam, it's time to go to school. OK, get your sandals on. Then we'll get going.

[00:01:56.47] OK.

[00:01:59.84] How you feeling?

[00:02:02.77] Yeah?

[00:02:04.84] Yeah.

[00:02:11.53] You know, Adam, it's really hard to say. And but we talked about how you're going to handle that. How are you going to handle that?

[00:02:21.21] How you going to handle that? What's your strategy for when kids start to bully you?

[00:02:31.16] And then what happens if they keep coming back? Like if they keep bugging you?

[00:02:35.04] Then I'll notify the principal.

[00:02:37.57] Are you going to retaliate?

[00:02:38.92] I'll try not to but, there might be sometimes where I do. But I won't use any physical harm.

[00:02:44.99] I think it's really important that you, whatever you do, you don't retaliate.

[00:02:48.71] I'll try not to. But I can't promise anything.

[00:02:50.70] Yeah. You're grade seven. You're like a big guy.

[00:02:53.72] I don't believe it.

[00:02:54.31] I know.

[00:02:57.64] Bye.

[00:02:58.48] Bye, mom.

[00:03:00.44] Have a good day.

[00:03:01.57] For the second time.

[00:03:14.99] School is a nightmare for my son Adam. It's painful to see him ignored, but it's the bullying that kills me. Over the years, it's really taken its toll.

[00:03:30.82] They call me every word. They call me every bad word I can think of. And some I can't think of.

[00:03:37.26] What's the one that hurts the most?

[00:03:40.82] Well, when you get said it so many times, it's really hard. Cause you're just used to so many. You're sort of used to it. So you're not-- it doesn't hurt you as much. But it still hurts me inside. It feels like-- it feels like you want to die. You really want to die when people insult you like that. Like you just want to say, why can't I die for two minutes. It's like that. Cause you just want to get over it, but you can't.

[00:04:38.94] I can see up to the plate. Foul ball hit that hard, but the wrong way. Curt Shilling to pitch. Henske, 98 mile an hour fastball. That was some serious heat, folks.

[00:04:54.09] My favorite thing is baseball. My second favorite thing is money. And then comes food.

[00:05:02.36] I read a lot of baseball books. I have about a whole row of them. I'm a big fan of collecting, also.

[00:05:17.02] Adam looks like a regular 12-year-old, but he has Asperger's Syndrome, a form of autism that impairs his social skills. Doctors say there's no cure for Asperger's, that it's on the rise. Adam maybe great at computers and math, but he often acts odd because he can't read people's feelings.

[00:05:39.34] I really don't like having Asperger's, because people assume that I'm different. I'm a normal preteen boy. I have a face and everything a normal boy has, and I really don't like it when people use the term, different. Because I'm not different.

[00:06:07.05] When Adam was born, he was the perfect baby. Happy, playful. We connected beautifully. It was so easy to love him back then. We first noticed something was wrong at age two, when he began to sink into his own private world. He stopped talking. He avoided cuddles and hugs and even eye contact. And he would do strange things, like twirl a stick around in the air, or line things up for hours on end. That's when he was diagnosed with autism.

[00:06:47.85] We would devastated. After the shock wore off, I realized we had an important choice to make. I could leave him to sink deeper into his own little world, and we'd probably never be able to reach him. Or we could drag him into our world and do whatever we could to give him a chance at a normal life.

[00:07:09.29] Intensive early intervention helped. Thanks to all the one-on-one therapy, psychiatry, medication, social skills groups and speech therapy, his diagnosis changed to Asperger's Syndrome, a milder form of autism.

[00:07:25.51] I don't have it that bad. But most kids do.

[00:07:27.61] How do you have it?

[00:07:30.31] I do have a bit of trouble socializing, but mostly I'm pretty good.

[00:07:35.09] How do you have trouble socializing?

[00:07:37.02] Sometimes I just don't do the right things when I'm socializing. I make bad mistakes talking to people, say bad things sometimes. And I think-- I don't think I have it that bad. I think that's a bit of an overexaggeration.

[00:07:51.21] It's not twins day.

[00:07:52.07] What?

[00:07:52.77] You're all wearing like the same color.

[00:07:56.66] Well, we all like blue.

[00:08:00.59] That's freaky.

[00:08:01.72] Well, he sometimes interrupts people in conversations. Yeah, in private conversations, he kind of barges in and interrupts.

[00:08:13.91] I think sometimes he makes comments, like when everyone's supposed to be quiet. Just kind of bad timing on stuff.

[00:08:22.58] Well, sometimes he cries. And gets kind of angry when he doesn't get things his way.

[00:08:33.33] Adam attends regular school with the help of a full-time aide. But grade seven can be a difficult year if you have no friends.

[00:08:43.15] So how was the first day? Is she a homework giver?

[00:08:46.82] Yeah.

[00:08:47.30] Yeah?

[00:08:50.39] On all holidays, including Jewish holidays, you can get excused from homework.

[00:08:55.42] Really?

[00:08:57.30] Yeah?

[00:08:58.29] All assholes.

[00:08:59.79] Just ignore them, OK? Really. It's not worth it. So just leave them alone. OK?

[00:09:05.13] I know.

[00:09:08.54] I'm going to stop you in about--

[00:09:10.29] The semester is only just begun, and Adam's having a tough time. Kids with Asperger's don't always make it this far. If he's going to go to high school, we have to start planning now.

[00:09:23.25] The big question in our minds is what's going to happen next year? In order for this to be working now, he has this mega support system, which we see around us here. And--

[00:09:35.67] We fought last year long and hard to get a full-time aide for Adam, and I think it has really made a difference having full-time support. Things are going quite smoothly now. But I'm always kind of anxious that all the bullying, all those issues are going to rear their head again.

[00:09:52.78] This is his last year in an elementary school. And next year I always think as going into this abyss. How can we best look at creating some strategies now in this-- when he's feeling safe and comfortable and in a very supportive environment that we look at taking time to really teach him some skills that he can use next year.

[00:10:13.31] And he might surprise the heck out of us. Because he's looking forward to going to high school. Because he said yesterday that he's able to go out for lunch. And you can't do that here. So who knows. I mean, he can leave and go to McDonald's. How good's that? But I get it.

[00:10:27.41] Sounds like a nightmare to me.

[00:10:28.91] I know, we need--

[00:10:30.83] [OVERLAPPING VOICES]

[00:10:34.13] Adam's teacher does her best to help him fit in.

[00:10:37.65] Well, what we're going to work on right now, is friendship. Because it seems that some of you are making great friends here. And some of you are not. So that's something we need to work on. OK? And I think maybe sometimes it's difficult to know how to become a friend, or how it is that you are a good friend.

[00:11:06.09] Personally, for me it would really suck if I didn't have any friends.

[00:11:09.88] School provides an outlet for you to actually just explore things. But when you really need to get down to it, you really want your friends to be behind you. Because you know that have your friends to lean back on, you know you can do everything.

[00:11:22.92] I don't think it's easy to make friends because kids are-- they have their own cliques. If they don't like you, they don't like you.

[00:11:31.02] What does it feel like to have a friend?

[00:11:36.86] You might feel-- what's the word for un-lonely?

[00:11:44.07] Uh, not lonely.

[00:11:45.49] [SCATTERED LAUGHTER]

[00:11:48.34] Friendful. You feel full.

[00:11:53.87] So when it comes time to include somebody, maybe new, to your circle of friends, I want you to think twice. Try it. You've got to try it. You have to let somebody in.

[00:12:08.84] I could usually join in a conversation, except I never really got accepted into it. Kids don't usually acknowledge what I say.

[00:12:15.37] So do you think that it's maybe because you talk about things that other kids aren't interested in?

[00:12:21.54] That could always be possible. I have no clue, really. Is my voice weird? Do I sound annoying? Am I retarded? Kids might think that.

[00:12:34.38] Is that how kids make you feel?

[00:12:36.21] Yeah. It is how kids make me feel. I like to talk. And I like to communicate with people. And in a lot of ways, sometimes I talk too much. But I didn't talk too much a long time ago. I don't know. People maybe get tired of me talking a lot. And it's hard, because I'm a bit of a chatty, chatty person. Really chatty.

[00:13:00.93] They don't see that he's-- that he's struggling to push himself along. They just see that there's somebody else who looks exactly like them, who can do exactly what they do, who is getting away with something that they probably couldn't get away with. And I think I just kind of annoys them.

[00:13:24.90] [BEEPS]

[00:13:27.00] [PHONE RINGING]

[00:13:32.20] [INAUDIBLE].

[00:13:32.43] We have to find the right high school for Adam. Because if it doesn't work, then what? It would be so easy if he just went to Sarah's high school.

[00:13:42.61] I remember, I was walking home from school, and I pass Adam's school every time I walk for home through my high school. I was just talking on my phone. And so these boys-- I don't know, I don't think they're Adam's friends, kind of Adam's rivals-- playing basketball, they're like, oh, look it's Adam's sister. Hey, Adam's sister, your brother sucks. And all these really mean things to me. And I just kind of ignored it and pretended that I wasn't listening. But I don't know, it effects him so much some days. Like, whenever he had a bad day of school, it's not because he failed a test. It's more because he got into this fight with the kids. Or he hurt a kid, or a kid hurt him. And it's probably not going to be very easy in his high school either. And it gets even worse, I think.

[00:14:25.44] You know how, in your mini school, it's really kind of great to be going into a big school, as a smaller group and having the smaller group to support you? Well, I think that would probably work best for Adam as well, is to have some sort of transition program to help him in going into high school. I'm not even sure that Van Tech is going to be a good choice either. Which is kind of a drag.

[00:14:51.97] I think it's kind of good.

[00:14:53.36] You think it's good?

[00:14:54.60] Yes.

[00:14:55.80] You think it would be good for Adam?

[00:14:57.16] No, I think it would be good for me. And maybe Adam too.

[00:14:59.55] Good for you if he didn't come?

[00:15:00.70] Yeah.

[00:15:02.01] Why?

[00:15:03.45] Mom, oh my God, do we have to talk about this?

[00:15:05.73] Yeah. Why?

[00:15:07.35] Because he-- I don't know. Just because. It's be easier for me.

[00:15:13.29] Easier for you?

[00:15:13.76] Yeah. It'd be easier.

[00:15:15.13] And why do you think for him, it would be better?

[00:15:18.33] I don't know. I would just rather him go to a different school.

[00:15:23.47] Yeah?

[00:15:24.17] Yeah.

[00:15:26.48] What else you like with your tacos?

[00:15:31.38] Oh, I don't want any meat, OK?

[00:15:33.01] You don't want any meat?

[00:15:33.99] No I don't. I told you that even last time, OK?

[00:15:36.85] OK. So I'm making meat. So what do you want on yours?

[00:15:38.51] Are you making beans?

[00:15:39.30] Yeah. I have beans.

[00:15:40.01] Beans, pickles, tomatoes, and cheese.

[00:15:41.20] Pickles, right. Pickles, pickles.

[00:15:47.29] He is gaining more skills, but I sort of feel like what hasn't changed is that potential. And I don't think that, I don't think that we're ever going to see that kind of a change.

[00:16:00.29] I totally disagree with you on that. I think we have no idea what his potential is. You think about where he started out from when he was first diagnosed and where he's at now. I mean, it's a huge difference.

[00:16:13.01] I understand. And I think there is a huge difference. In a relatively short span of time, five years, six years, he will be in a position where he's going to be legally responsible for himself. To actually move out on his own, to get a job, to do those things that independent people do. And I guess my thought is that if-- he won't possess the sophistication required to do more than those kinds of things.

[00:16:42.15] He could be very successful. He could find something that he does that he's really good at. And maybe connect with some people that are really good for him, and are supportive. And that's what I'm hoping for and working towards.

[00:16:54.60] Maybe I'm just bad at envisioning it, but I just can't see it right now. I just can't see that sort of-- I can't see it working out for the good right now.

[00:17:13.90] I can see why some families break up over this. It's not even two months into the school year, and already I'm anxious. Adam's feeling more and more isolated with each passing day. If we have any hope of turning things around, we have to do something drastic.

[00:17:38.03] There's no roadmap for dealing with a kid like Adam. So we are attending a conference on autism outside Chicago. I'm here to get some advice, tips to handle the scary teenage years ahead. But wouldn't it be great if Adam meets other kids like him? Maybe then, he won't feel so alone. Maybe he'll quit fighting his disability and learn how to live with it.

[00:18:05.07] But Adam's already planning his getaway. He wants to go to Chicago.

[00:18:12.27] [CHATTERING]

[00:18:15.24] You never really know what's going happen. You never really know what each day is going to bring you. I would say, at least really for me, I just enjoy my children, how they are, who they are. I wouldn't change anything. It's really just the rest of the world.

[00:18:29.37] May I ask a question?

[00:18:30.11] Sure.

[00:18:31.81] First of all, do both of your kids have autism?

[00:18:34.54] No, just Javier, just my older one.

[00:18:36.67] OK. What kind of Asperger's do you think he is? Do you think he's high functioning?

[00:18:42.25] I would say so.

[00:18:43.19] Yes, so would I. He's pretty active.

[00:18:45.45] What's the most difficult part of having Asperger's?

[00:18:47.47] Let's see. I'm thinking. I'm thinking. Hmm. The most difficult part about having Asperger's. When my mom-- when my mom says I have to work hard in order to get back certain things, like TV and computer and ice cream and dessert.

[00:19:03.05] Does it make it easy to make friends, or does it make it more difficult to make friends? Having Asperger's?

[00:19:06.89] It's kind of easy to make friends.

[00:19:09.26] But can you keep them, is the question.

[00:19:11.26] Sure, I could keep them.

[00:19:13.29] See, I have a problem. First of all, I usually-- I'm good at making friends, but I usually lose them. I can keep enemies.

[00:19:22.11] Without friends, some kids spiral out of control. Judy's daughter can't even live at home anymore.

[00:19:29.62] She's 17 and a half now. She has been institutionalized in several places. She is presently in the Department of Corrections because there is no place that will take her. And she has went from the gamut of completely over-medicated to no medication. We have been through the mental health system, the Medicaid system, and the school system. Every kind of system.

[00:19:54.44] As a mother, you do what you can. And I'm wondering if you have any, given your experience, if you have any advice for me?

[00:20:05.05] I think these kids, a lot of them, how can they not be totally depressed? I don't really have any answers for you. I try to keep a good faith in God that this is the hand that we have been dealt. And it's their road. It's going to be a very rocky road, but somehow I still just try to have the optimism that it will-- it's going to be OK. It's got to be OK. It's got to be better. I don't have the answers. I wish I did. If I had any answers, I would be able to help my own child.

[00:20:55.69] I want to ask you what the most difficult thing for you is in having a kid with Asperger's.

[00:21:02.37] Well, actually I have two children Asperger's. I have a 12-year-old and a 15-year-old. They're both boys.

[00:21:08.60] I found out that I had Asperger's syndrome when I was 11-years-old abouts. And I was OK with it. At least I finally found out why I didn't have as many friends and stuff like that.

[00:21:25.24] Real frequently my 15-year-old more or less just gets ignored. Whereas my 12-year-old is very demanding of attention. He's kind of like a bull in a China closet. And will just go charging through and turn everybody off. And so he isolates himself with his behavior. And both the boys have been hospitalized for suicidal ideations that have been directly because of bullying in the way that they've been treated at school. And both of them have been hospitalized twice.

[00:22:00.72] I'm not sure what suicidal ideations means--

[00:22:03.79] Talking of wanting to terminate their own life.

[00:22:07.45] Could you tell me about being bullied at school?

[00:22:10.80] It's really terrible. And could I please not talk about that? It's just that in the past it's been so horrible that I don't want to talk about it.

[00:22:19.92] Most of the time I feel like my last nerve is being stepped on about 1,000 times a day. You know, I kind of-- I don't know. It's really hard when you see your children rejected. I've gotten to the point where I don't care what people say about me. I don't care if they reject me. But when they reject my children, it's like a knife just being stuck through you repeatedly.

[00:23:22.34] I can't take any more horror stories. So I'm off to see Dr. Temple Grandin. Grandin has autism, but that hasn't stopped her from becoming a famous author. She must have some good ideas on how to handle high school.

[00:23:37.80] --put the limits on me.

[00:23:39.28] It was just absolutely, totally torturous. I got in a fight in high school with a girl who called me a retard. And so my mother sent me to special school for-- they used to call it back emotionally disturbed but gifted children, because they didn't-- it's the term they used, emotional disturbance, back in the '60s. I think there's some kids that need to be taken out of that social pressure cooker. And there's other situations where it seems to be working out. I tend to go on the average. I want to mainstream as much as possible the elementary school kids. But in any situation, you've got to look at each individual situation. When parents come and ask me, well, should I homeschool? Should I do this? Should I do that? I say, is your kid advancing? Is he progressing with what you're doing?

[00:24:22.73] Einstein did not talk until age three and probably would have been diagnosed with autism today. Mozart, Carl Sagan, those are two others that are definitely probably on the spectrum. You know, if you got rid of all of the genes that make autism and Asperger's, we'd have a very boring world. It's like a little bit of abnormality is needed.

[00:24:43.03] Asperger's doesn't define your character. It doesn't define your personality. All it is is character traits that you have, so many character traits that I have.

[00:24:55.89] I had to be put on medication. And I had certain therapies for my anger and anxiety. And now it helped completely.

[00:25:09.34] There's a saying that if you have 40 toxins in your body, and your body can handle 40 toxins, there will appear to be no hint of a problem. But then, throw in another toxin, and you get very sick. Well, the same is true with autistic children and school. Many of the annoyances are minor. That's-- I can't even remember half of them. Put them together, you go over the limit, and then, the autistic child falls apart.

[00:25:40.33] Adam? Can you open up please?

[00:25:44.82] I'm completely overwhelmed. I really need some quiet time to process everything. Hi. How are you doing?

[00:25:55.13] I'm well.

[00:25:55.63] Yeah? What are you doing?

[00:25:59.19] Watching TV.

[00:26:01.00] So do you think you're going to want to go back--

[00:26:02.92] Mom, I really want to go. To downtown.

[00:26:04.87] I don't think we're going to go downtown, but I think we can do go see a movie, or go to the mall or something.

[00:26:10.02] No. I'm going to go downtown.

[00:26:11.45] Yeah, but I don't think that we're going to do that now. I think that--

[00:26:14.47] I really do.

[00:26:16.07] You know what, Adam? Do you want to take a train downtown?

[00:26:19.53] Why not?

[00:26:20.60] You want to spend an hour on the train going downtown?

[00:26:23.21] Why can't I just go downtown?

[00:26:25.80] Well, I think we need to think it through.

[00:26:28.41] I wanted to go to ESPN Zone.

[00:26:31.10] I know, but we can't-- I don't think-- well, I mean we could go downtown, but it's going to be by train. It's going to take an hour to get there.

[00:26:37.31] Why can't we just drive?

[00:26:38.52] Anyway, the point is--

[00:26:39.09] The hotel has a free shuttle service.

[00:26:40.70] Ad. It has a free shuttle service to the train station.

[00:26:45.76] No it doesn't.

[00:26:46.36] Yeah it does.

[00:26:48.17] You have no clue.

[00:26:48.94] No I do. We looked into it. If you want to phone the hotel and find out, you can.

[00:26:53.06] (CRYING) I want to go!

[00:26:55.26] I know you do.

[00:26:56.40] [CRYING]

[00:27:04.30] I'm going to [INAUDIBLE]. I hope you're happy. It's about the shuttle service? Does the shuttle service go downtown? It just goes to the train station? Oh, OK. Thanks. Bye. Mom, I really want to take this train.

[00:27:30.77] I just don't think that I want to go downtown, take an hours train ride both ways to go and spend the evening in a video arcade that I'm not going to really--

[00:27:40.05] Why is it going to change?

[00:27:41.42] I know, it's tough. It's very tough. OK, but that's part of life. And you have to learn how to deal with it. It's-- I know that it's really hard for you to deal with change of plans. I know it is. OK?

[00:27:55.14] Can't we just take a bus?

[00:28:21.77] I'm disappointed Adam didn't get anything from the conference. I guess my expectations were too high. But some good has to come of this trip. So on our way to the airport, we swing by Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs.

[00:28:41.24] Excuse me? Excuse me? Excuse me? Can you let us in?

[00:28:48.89] Huh?

[00:28:49.66] Can we take a look?

[00:28:51.30] Do what?

[00:28:52.27] Can we take a look at the stadium?

[00:28:54.31] Take a look-- they've shut down right now. All they've got is employees cleaning up right now.

[00:28:58.65] Can we please go inside and take a look?

[00:29:00.10] I don't know if they're anybody in right now.

[00:29:02.53] Tell him we'd be really quick.

[00:29:03.73] It'd be really quick. We went all the way from Canada to see this.

[00:29:09.90] For some people, the bad times far outnumber the good ones. That's my problem. I don't like having autism. I don't like it. I don't like being considered different. If I could have my opposite of this life, then that'd be great.

[00:29:27.70] No matter what I do, Adam still hates his life. It must be hard for him to feel good about himself when I'm always trying to change him. But with so many pitfalls ahead, how am I supposed to let go?

[00:29:50.17] We're almost halfway through the school year and Adam still has no friends. He's sick and tired of being rejected.

[00:29:59.80] They just never let me play. And they let anyone, I mean anyone-- they'd probably let a two-year-old with no legs play.

[00:30:06.00] So how many kids were playing?

[00:30:07.89] I don't know. 12?

[00:30:10.00] Really?

[00:30:10.53] Yeah.

[00:30:10.87] So there were 12 kids playing, and then you asked to join the game, and--

[00:30:14.67] No.

[00:30:15.88] Today's lesson is about tolerance. And I think that is important when you're talking about friendships. Especially when you're staring to have friends. Tolerance, or to be tolerant, is to accept differences. Every one of you are different from each other. So to tolerate and to be tolerant is to accept things that maybe you wish were different.

[00:30:45.07] Adam's different. He's more full of life, I guess. He does silly things. He-- and I guess people just don't-- I don't know why, they just don't like him for what he does sometimes, or how he acts. And people just don't really-- I find, don't really give him a fair chance.

[00:31:04.22] He says stuff, and he doesn't know that it's really going to hurt someone's feelings. And I think that's a really big thing. Like I don't really think that he means to be like that, but it does hurt someone.

[00:31:16.17] Adam kind of sort of brings it on himself. And even though it is hard for him, he should know that it's harder for us to actually try to be as nice as we possibly can when he's saying this stuff. And doing this stuff.

[00:31:55.09] Adam wants to go to a computer immersion program for high school next year. But he'll have to make it through elementary school first. Trouble is, Adam's getting depressed and he's starting to act out.

[00:32:11.05] I can tell that Adam's teacher has reached her limit with him. I recognize her expression. I recognize the dullness behind the eyes. I've seen it before when the teachers feel that they've just been pushed beyond what they can handle.

[00:32:28.30] One of the things that was really bothering the teacher was that Adam was asking her constantly, what's next? What's next? So this is me sucking up to the teacher, trying to make her a beautiful schedule that'll work for Adam and work for her, and of course, work for the whole class as well.

[00:32:46.54] Have a good day, OK?

[00:32:47.22] OK.

[00:32:48.33] Make it a good one.

[00:32:49.49] OK. I love you, Mom.

[00:33:26.40] Hi Marianne, it's Carolyn calling. I just wanted to give you call and update you about you about Adam's day. He unfortunately had some difficulties in PE, some difficulties with his peers. There was a point that he actually pushed Liam's face, put his hand on Liam's face and pushed him back because Liam was giving him a direction. Actually tried to help.

[00:33:49.65] In the past week, I've been stealing, lying and cheating a lot. Not really cheating, but lying and stealing. And it feels bad inside.s I've been trying to stop, but it's just-- the time I steal, I don't know why.

[00:34:10.16] I try to tell him that he's the only one who's going to make a difference. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter whether he's autistic, Asperger's, or ADD. I mean, when he starts pulling those kinds of anti-social actions, he's going to end up in one place. No one's going to be interested in what his disability or his difference is.

[00:34:28.06] It appears like he's on this path. And the path is a path which is every parent's nightmare. He's developing these habits of deception. He steals.

[00:34:45.26] He's on a really short fuse. He's just always on edge at school. And he's always on edge at home. He's constantly aggressive and rude. And just this last week he got suspended for a day.

[00:35:02.31] How do you think your dad feels about all this?

[00:35:07.27] Not great. Really worried. And sad. But this past two days have been a bit of a turnaround.

[00:35:19.50] What's your dad worried about?

[00:35:21.99] If I'll get arrested ever. If I'll get a criminal record, go to jail.

[00:35:28.33] You know, all the hopes and dreams that I had for as young man, as a youth, as a boy, were just kind of like going out the window. And I was just was totally overcome by unhappiness.

[00:35:49.41] My dad and me had an emotional breakdown. My dad started crying. And I've never seen him cry before. That's why I knew he really cared about me. A lot than I he did.

[00:36:02.46] I'm totally fried. I'm just really, really kind of bent up dealing with Adam and the fighting, and the constant arguing, and the calls home from school. It's just-- it just feels endless. Really endless.

[00:36:19.78] Hi Marianne, it's Hugh calling from Nelson School. We've had quite a tough morning with Adam and an event that happened this morning. So if you could call the school as soon as you can, that would be great. And we can talk--

[00:37:12.23] All we ever talk about these days is Adam. And I'm not sure how much more we can take.

[00:37:19.31] [PHONE RINGING]

[00:37:23.25] Hello, Sarah speaking.

[00:37:24.44] Hi, Sarah, this is Marianne Kaplan calling.

[00:37:26.44] Oh, hi there.

[00:37:27.08] Hi. I got your name from Tiffany, who's my social worker.

[00:37:32.30] OK.

[00:37:32.98] And my son, Adam, who is on her caseload, he has Asperger's.

[00:37:36.44] OK.

[00:37:37.13] And we're sort of in a bit of a crisis situation where we are looking for Adam to be able to have maybe three days away in a group home.

[00:37:47.60] OK.

[00:37:48.02] And Tiffany had said that the Eastside group home was full, but I had also heard about one on the Northshore. I think it's called Hollyridge, or Hollyburn?

[00:37:57.97] Right.

[00:37:58.10] And she said that you might have some information about that.

[00:38:05.49] You know what, that's actually not really folded.

[00:38:06.96] I never thought it would come to this. We're sending Adam away to spend the weekend in foster care. The last few weeks have been the worst ever. The other day, I totally lost my cool and lashed out at him. We need a break.

[00:38:25.30] If you can watch him take it--

[00:38:26.27] Yeah.

[00:38:27.24] And then this is one o'clock.

[00:38:28.70] Yeah, OK.

[00:38:29.67] And then this is Sunday morning.

[00:38:30.64] Sunday morning. Is that like, when he wakes up in the morning?

[00:38:32.58] When he has breakfast, yeah.

[00:38:34.04] He's going away this weekend for the first time with another family. It's the first time he will be, if you like, in the care of the state. It's a state sponsored respite for us. I find that really quite heavy. And it's not simply a matter of him visiting family. It's like the state taking responsibility for our child. And I can't help but feel that this is a-- we're going to have more of this in our life.

[00:39:28.03] Daddy!

[00:39:29.51] Hello.

[00:39:30.99] Hello.

[00:39:31.98] Hi. Come in, come in.

[00:39:33.46] Dad. Dad. Dad.

[00:39:36.43] Welcome back.

[00:39:37.42] Dad. Dad. Dad.

[00:39:40.42] All right, all right. Nice to see you. Welcome back.

[00:39:42.95] Dad.

[00:39:43.91] Welcome back. Get in here.

[00:39:45.34] Did I say, dad?

[00:39:46.30] You did say dad.

[00:39:47.26] OK, good.

[00:39:48.69] I felt ashamed for sending Adam away, but the time apart was good for all of us. Nothing's changed, but it seems to have taken the pressure off.

[00:39:59.54] It pretty much is.

[00:40:00.76] I feel like we can breathe.

[00:40:02.66] Almost. You have a lot of opportunity to catch up.

[00:40:06.64] I know.

[00:40:22.22] The school year is almost over and we're still not sure if Adam is going to high school. He may always be on the outside looking in, but I can't sit back and do nothing. So we hire an Asperger's expert to work with his classmates. If I can't change Adam, maybe I can others more sensitive.

[00:40:42.13] More than telling him over and over again what not to do, we tell them what to do. OK? Because by giving attention to what we want to have happen, we're reinforcing that. So what we're saying is, instead of going on repeatedly about, if you keep doing this, we're going to keep rejecting you, we're going to say to him, if you speak appropriately to your peers, then they will include you.

[00:41:08.52] Adam's being annoying, and we ask him to stop. He refuses to stop because he thinks he can--

[00:41:15.33] He doesn't have to.

[00:41:18.31] And sometimes even if we ask, why isn't he, why doesn't he want to stop, he just says the same reason over and over again because he just doesn't want to. He doesn't want to do that.

[00:41:27.27] Most of Adam's classmates are off to the local high school in the fall. But we still haven't heard back from that high school computer program. If Adam doesn't get in, I don't know what we'll do.

[00:41:40.08] Hi, this message is for Adam. It's--

[00:41:41.88] Finally, some news.

[00:41:43.85] --secondary school. I'm just calling to let you know that we'd like to offer you a spot in our tech immersion program. And there will be a letter to follow. But at this time, I'm just making preliminary phone calls.

[00:41:55.99] Do you want to go?

[00:41:57.27] [BEEPING]

[00:41:58.70] Well, we'll see. I'm just going to think about it. For like a second.

[00:42:31.31] How do you think they will understand that?

[00:42:44.90] How come you think these kids will have more understanding?

[00:42:56.03] Hey come on, be nice.

[00:42:59.35] Looks like the Asperger's expert paid off and Adam's found a few classmates to hang out with. But high school will be so much more complicated, between dating, drugs, and peer pressure. I just hope he'll be able to handle it.

[00:43:20.29] Adam's done it. He's graduated grade seven. Although he doesn't want to go to the dance, because the girls won't dance with him. He had a bit of a meltdown, but we've managed to convince him to go.

[00:43:34.87] What do you think? How do I look?

[00:43:36.73] You look great.

[00:43:39.03] Smashing.

[00:43:40.51] Very good. Remember we used to watch it?

[00:43:42.11] Oh, I can remember.

[00:43:43.05] OK.

[00:43:43.73] Wait, can you stop now?

[00:43:45.40] That's good.

[00:43:47.75] You're going to go to this dance tonight.

[00:43:48.92] Yeah.

[00:43:49.49] I want you know one thing that came down to me from some pretty brilliant guys.

[00:43:55.68] What?

[00:43:57.20] Their name is ZZ Top, and they said, "all the girls crazy about a sharp-dressed guy."

[00:44:05.45] And am I sharp-dressed?

[00:44:06.52] Yeah, you're looking really hot.

[00:44:08.59] Thanks,Dad.

[00:44:30.01] No gum. No gum. Is there any gum in your mouth?

[00:44:37.34] [MUSIC PLAYING]

[00:44:46.40] Drawn into the music, Adam dances his heart out. Having Asperger's makes him totally uninhibited. Living in the moment, there's no past, no future, just right now. And right no, things look pretty good.

[00:45:17.16] [CHEERING]

[00:45:19.12] I have no clue who you are, but yay!

[00:45:21.58] The end of the school year. The opening game of the season. I only hope our baseball team has a better year than we did. As usual, Adam's off collecting free stuff while the rest of us relax. Sitting in the stands, knowing Adam is happy and safe is one of the few peaceful times we have as a family. It's hard not to worry about his future, and I know someday I'll have to let go. But for now, I'll enjoy the moment. It's a place Adam lives every day.

[00:46:03.99] [MUSIC PLAYING]