00:00:45.870 --> 00:00:47.630
So I like to think about that.

00:00:47.630 --> 00:00:49.670
We all have a way of thinking

00:00:49.670 --> 00:00:53.590
about ourselves,
whether we define it very clearly or not.

00:00:53.630 --> 00:00:57.800
We all think, you know,
this is the person that I am.

00:00:58.430 --> 00:01:03.480
But when you have somebody who is really,
you know, gets the taste

00:01:03.480 --> 00:01:08.230
of what it's like to have a moment of joy
or a moment of peace,

00:01:09.020 --> 00:01:12.110
and they can say, Yeah,
I want more of that.

00:01:12.650 --> 00:01:16.200
And then we can create that
with the animals

00:01:16.200 --> 00:01:19.200
that they're interacting with
and they can,

00:01:19.490 --> 00:01:23.080
you know, continue
to spark those parts of their personality

00:01:23.330 --> 00:01:26.330
so that they start to see themselves
differently.

00:01:29.830 --> 00:01:31.960
We are at barking Cat ranch,

00:01:31.960 --> 00:01:35.920
which is our three
and a half acre farm in Arvada, Colorado.

00:01:36.170 --> 00:01:40.220
And this is where animal assisted
therapy programs of Colorado has its home.

00:01:40.760 --> 00:01:42.310
This is where we do therapy.

00:01:46.390 --> 00:01:48.940
But, you
know, they're having an experience.

00:01:48.940 --> 00:01:53.730
And I think that's the part
that's such a change

00:01:53.730 --> 00:01:57.780
when you think about what we're doing
versus talk therapy, is that

00:01:58.860 --> 00:02:04.990
it's that experience that lends itself
to creating that different change

00:02:04.990 --> 00:02:08.370
in the body and the different,
you know, awarenesses and

00:02:09.420 --> 00:02:11.670
this is a really important living moment

00:02:11.670 --> 00:02:15.710
just to enjoy that what that feels like

00:02:15.800 --> 00:02:18.800
And that's all that's all that matters.

00:02:20.010 --> 00:02:20.800
okay.

00:02:20.800 --> 00:02:23.470
This has to be one of the greatest days

00:02:23.470 --> 00:02:26.470
of my life right now.

00:02:28.810 --> 00:02:32.770
So it's really simple in some ways,
and it's really not

00:02:32.980 --> 00:02:35.980
well at all.

00:02:37.610 --> 00:02:38.820
I've been in different modalities

00:02:38.820 --> 00:02:43.240
of therapy
before, from cognitive behavioral therapy

00:02:43.240 --> 00:02:46.240
to dialectical to eMDR.

00:02:48.040 --> 00:02:52.460
And most of those experiences
haven't been of my own accord.

00:02:52.710 --> 00:02:55.090
And I was kind of submitted to therapy,

00:02:57.630 --> 00:03:00.880
without really wanting to go myself.

00:03:01.430 --> 00:03:05.850
So Knowing

00:03:05.850 --> 00:03:10.640
that I don't have to mask myself
essentially,

00:03:11.140 --> 00:03:14.150
you know, be
everyone else's expectations first.

00:03:15.900 --> 00:03:17.980
You know, the goals right now
aren't to make sure

00:03:17.980 --> 00:03:21.280
that I can go back to school
or that I can go back to work.

00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:23.870
The goals right now
are just to make sure that I,

00:03:23.870 --> 00:03:26.370
like, am happy,

00:03:26.370 --> 00:03:29.370
and that I'm making progress
towards that.

00:03:43.800 --> 00:03:47.720
I really like Hawk
Hawk reminds me of my rabbit

00:03:47.760 --> 00:03:51.480
and some of the horses
I've worked with before tell low.

00:03:56.650 --> 00:03:57.650
During the pandemic is

00:03:57.650 --> 00:04:01.070
when you really kind of discovered

00:04:02.400 --> 00:04:05.410
that you felt Trans Am.

00:04:05.870 --> 00:04:11.540
And you do see, when you look back on
your childhood, did you do you see things?

00:04:11.750 --> 00:04:12.960
Yes. Now.

00:04:12.960 --> 00:04:15.960
Okay.

00:04:16.250 --> 00:04:18.130
But also I didn't figure out
until like three years ago.

00:04:18.130 --> 00:04:20.630
I don't know when anyone else figures
out their gender, Yeah.

00:04:21.710 --> 00:04:23.630
everyone's like, yeah,
I thought about this when I was a child

00:04:23.630 --> 00:04:26.640
and I was like.

00:04:27.350 --> 00:04:30.310
Did we all get, like a memo
or like a like a

00:04:31.020 --> 00:04:32.600
I know.

00:04:32.600 --> 00:04:35.440
Did you get a.

00:04:35.440 --> 00:04:38.440
Because I didn't get one.

00:04:39.820 --> 00:04:42.740
You are taking testosterone, right?

00:04:42.740 --> 00:04:44.200
How's that been going?

00:04:44.200 --> 00:04:47.160
Been out for a year and a half Wow.

00:04:49.030 --> 00:04:51.080
It's been helping a lot, though,

00:04:51.080 --> 00:04:54.330
in terms of, like, emotional well-being.

00:04:55.580 --> 00:04:58.170
And three things that I've noticed.

00:04:58.170 --> 00:05:01.170
One. I'm happier. Two.

00:05:01.300 --> 00:05:03.800
I'm dumber.

00:05:03.800 --> 00:05:05.130
Like, sufficiently

00:05:05.130 --> 00:05:08.140
have lost some brain cells
in this process.

00:05:08.390 --> 00:05:11.390
And I'm also weaker.

00:05:12.180 --> 00:05:13.980
But apparently testosterone affects things

00:05:13.980 --> 00:05:17.060
like your immune system
and your pain tolerance.

00:05:18.560 --> 00:05:22.440
And I'm just like, yeah, yeah,
I just want a lightsaber.

00:05:22.440 --> 00:05:24.280
I just want to Go, like battle it out.

00:05:25.860 --> 00:05:28.870
now I understand.

00:05:29.070 --> 00:05:31.660
And your partner is super supportive.

00:05:31.660 --> 00:05:34.250
From what you've told me.

00:05:34.250 --> 00:05:36.250
he has helped everyone

00:05:36.250 --> 00:05:39.790
every manly Monday
where I have to give myself my injection.

00:05:39.790 --> 00:05:43.170
If he Is around
he is helping out and getting that set up.

00:05:45.090 --> 00:05:46.800
And I don't want a hysterectomy.

00:05:46.800 --> 00:05:49.800
I know, I want that Yeah. top surgery.

00:05:50.260 --> 00:05:53.510
I'm going back and forth on, Okay.

00:05:55.560 --> 00:05:57.600
Just because that's that's so that's a

00:05:57.600 --> 00:06:00.730
that's a major surgery and drains
kind of freak me out.

00:06:02.480 --> 00:06:04.570
And I already have to
in the next like five years.

00:06:04.570 --> 00:06:06.690
Get my eyes fixed.

00:06:06.690 --> 00:06:07.200
to get them fixed.

00:06:07.200 --> 00:06:11.410
So I'm like, this is a lot of surgeries
to start piling up before I'm 30.

00:06:12.780 --> 00:06:15.750
That's true.

00:06:16.330 --> 00:06:19.210
On top of that,
it's a lot of necessary support

00:06:19.210 --> 00:06:25.050
because I am not out to my family,
at least certain folks. So,

00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:28.720
I suspect that

00:06:28.720 --> 00:06:31.720
my relations with them may change.

00:06:32.390 --> 00:06:35.390
Hopefully it's for the better.

00:06:35.640 --> 00:06:36.770
But yeah,

00:06:36.770 --> 00:06:39.770
this is going to be a difficult time
navigating through everything.

00:06:40.350 --> 00:06:43.110
So I kind of need as much support

00:06:43.110 --> 00:06:46.110
as I can get.

00:06:53.950 --> 00:06:56.950
hi. Hi, buddy.

00:06:57.330 --> 00:07:00.290
We're ready to go.

00:07:01.370 --> 00:07:03.670
I know.

00:07:03.670 --> 00:07:06.670
I've never liked them reports. Hi.

00:07:08.460 --> 00:07:10.090
Fact,

00:07:10.090 --> 00:07:13.090
hello.

00:07:26.360 --> 00:07:27.730
just in getting to know

00:07:27.730 --> 00:07:31.530
you a little bit, how both of the horses

00:07:31.530 --> 00:07:34.950
that you've been attracted to here

00:07:35.160 --> 00:07:38.490
both have very strong

00:07:39.580 --> 00:07:42.580
They really know who they are.

00:07:43.620 --> 00:07:43.920
Yeah.

00:07:43.920 --> 00:07:45.500
No, I think

00:07:45.500 --> 00:07:48.500
all the animals that I've interacted with,
they're just kind of like high.

00:07:49.800 --> 00:07:51.260
This is my personality.

00:07:51.260 --> 00:07:53.550
Take it or leave it.

00:07:53.550 --> 00:07:54.390
I don't like that.

00:07:54.390 --> 00:07:57.310
I like that too.

00:07:57.310 --> 00:08:00.310
Do you feel like you're becoming
more of that way

00:08:00.600 --> 00:08:03.060
in kind of owning who you are.

00:08:04.190 --> 00:08:06.230
I think we're getting there.

00:08:06.230 --> 00:08:09.400
think you have a strong personality,
but in like a very good way of course.

00:08:09.400 --> 00:08:12.280
But like you have a very,

00:08:12.280 --> 00:08:14.740
like strong sense of humor

00:08:14.740 --> 00:08:17.700
and like things that you like
and like have a lot of

00:08:19.200 --> 00:08:21.790
things you like to talk about and like,
aren't afraid to, like,

00:08:21.790 --> 00:08:22.710
bring those things up.

00:08:22.710 --> 00:08:25.710
I think that's really great.

00:08:26.290 --> 00:08:28.840
Do you think that?

00:08:28.840 --> 00:08:31.340
Having siblings.

00:08:31.340 --> 00:08:32.720
Do you do you find it also?

00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:35.720
That had helped you learn conflict.

00:08:36.390 --> 00:08:39.390
I think all of us learn how to deal
with conflict in a different way.

00:08:40.770 --> 00:08:43.020
So I know for Isaac,
like my younger brother,

00:08:43.020 --> 00:08:46.020
especially since he was sheltered
a lot from stuff

00:08:46.100 --> 00:08:50.900
and like because he's the son, there's
a lot more priorities that were put like

00:08:51.900 --> 00:08:54.200
on him by my mom and my dad.

00:08:54.200 --> 00:08:55.530
Because they're like I guess as our son

00:08:55.530 --> 00:08:58.910
I'm like you had two daughters
I'm like but this is our son right.

00:08:59.700 --> 00:09:02.370
And yet in your parent's eyes.

00:09:02.370 --> 00:09:03.000
Yeah.

00:09:03.000 --> 00:09:06.000
And it also carries more weight
in like my extended family as well.

00:09:06.370 --> 00:09:09.960
And I know he has gone through
a lot of therapy to kind of like address,

00:09:11.750 --> 00:09:14.550
for lack of a better word, survival
skill from that.

00:09:14.550 --> 00:09:17.340
Yeah.

00:09:17.340 --> 00:09:20.350
Cause he thought that, you know,

00:09:21.140 --> 00:09:23.470
eventually it would get better for us.

00:09:23.470 --> 00:09:24.310
And it hasn't.

00:09:24.310 --> 00:09:27.310
And they just kind of, you know.

00:09:30.020 --> 00:09:32.400
What does a three GS from a mom

00:09:32.400 --> 00:09:35.400
gaslight gay keep girlboss.

00:09:36.110 --> 00:09:39.120
Yeah.

00:09:39.410 --> 00:09:41.870
My dad was born in 51,
my mother was born in 61,

00:09:41.870 --> 00:09:43.540
and my mother is from South Korea,

00:09:43.540 --> 00:09:47.540
and that country's not necessarily
known for its gender equity.

00:09:49.830 --> 00:09:51.210
Much less transgender

00:09:51.210 --> 00:09:54.210
individuals or queer individuals. So.

00:09:55.970 --> 00:09:57.340
Funny thing is, though, my, like,

00:09:57.340 --> 00:10:00.340
all three of my father's
children have turned out queer. So,

00:10:01.510 --> 00:10:04.810
can't really avoid the conversation.

00:10:04.810 --> 00:10:08.020
But we've all had Covid, like my siblings
and I have conversations about,

00:10:08.440 --> 00:10:11.440
you know, how would he take it?

00:10:11.520 --> 00:10:14.570
All of the person is impacted by

00:10:14.730 --> 00:10:16.530
the events
that have happened in their life.

00:10:16.530 --> 00:10:17.780
And so.

00:10:17.780 --> 00:10:18.650
What?

00:10:18.650 --> 00:10:21.620
Animal assisted psychotherapy
allows us to do

00:10:21.620 --> 00:10:24.660
is to simultaneously address

00:10:25.160 --> 00:10:28.460
all of the body, and each of those areas

00:10:29.000 --> 00:10:31.580
and where we're reaching the thoughts,

00:10:31.580 --> 00:10:34.630
the feelings, the body,

00:10:35.000 --> 00:10:38.050
and even the physiology of the individual

00:10:38.050 --> 00:10:41.590
all simultaneously through
those interactions with the animals.

00:10:42.010 --> 00:10:44.850
And so it's able to provide a deeper level

00:10:44.850 --> 00:10:48.230
of healing
than simply by talking about something.

00:10:50.390 --> 00:10:54.940
Do. Do you?

00:10:56.780 --> 00:10:58.490
Do you feel that

00:10:58.490 --> 00:11:03.370
the non-binary space is harder for people
to understand

00:11:03.370 --> 00:11:07.040
and connect to, as Just to, like,
just trans mask. Yes.

00:11:07.410 --> 00:11:09.370
Yeah.

00:11:09.370 --> 00:11:12.380
Why do you think that is?

00:11:14.590 --> 00:11:15.340
Because I think it's easier

00:11:15.340 --> 00:11:18.340
to think if everything is
or isn't a potato.

00:11:18.340 --> 00:11:20.590
It's technically true.

00:11:20.590 --> 00:11:22.760
I say that to Nick all the time,
like everything is, or is it up to?

00:11:22.760 --> 00:11:24.680
And he's like, I know it's not wrong.

00:11:24.680 --> 00:11:25.970
I'm just.

00:11:25.970 --> 00:11:28.970
I need a bit more than that.

00:11:32.100 --> 00:11:34.980
But I think that's also why it took me
quite a bit of time,

00:11:34.980 --> 00:11:37.980
because I was like, I don't know, like.

00:11:39.070 --> 00:11:42.280
It would have been easier if I was a son,
but I feel like I would still feel.

00:11:43.280 --> 00:11:45.320
That feminine.

00:11:45.320 --> 00:11:47.120
And then I go, like,

00:11:47.120 --> 00:11:50.370
you know, but testosterone
isn't helping me feel so much more

00:11:51.870 --> 00:11:54.830
like the individual I want to be.

00:11:58.590 --> 00:11:59.840
At the same time.

00:11:59.840 --> 00:12:02.840
There are some older folks
in my photography class

00:12:02.840 --> 00:12:05.850
and I notice they still call me sheet
and I'm just like.

00:12:06.100 --> 00:12:08.760
Like by the time I realize
what's going on,

00:12:08.760 --> 00:12:11.060
like the conversation is passing,
I'm like.

00:12:11.060 --> 00:12:14.060
I didn't correct them like I didn't.

00:12:14.400 --> 00:12:17.400
I know I missed my opportunity.

00:12:18.690 --> 00:12:21.690
It feels like you have to do it
in the moment

00:12:22.190 --> 00:12:25.200
instead of going,
or instead of bringing it up later.

00:12:25.780 --> 00:12:28.740
Sometimes, yeah,
because then it'll happen in El Paso.

00:12:28.740 --> 00:12:30.290
Then I won't mention it again,

00:12:30.290 --> 00:12:32.960
and then I'll forget about it
until the next instant.

00:12:32.960 --> 00:12:38.290
I'm like, right? So.

00:12:41.050 --> 00:12:43.260
But at the same time, it's
just kind of like,

00:12:43.260 --> 00:12:46.470
you know, when push comes to shove,
it's really hard

00:12:46.470 --> 00:12:49.470
still sometimes for people
to use them with me.

00:12:49.470 --> 00:12:51.060
I'm just like bull that maybe just he.

00:12:54.350 --> 00:12:57.270
I was raised.

00:12:57.270 --> 00:13:01.030
Yeah, I spent most of my childhood years
on consecrated ground.

00:13:01.030 --> 00:13:03.320
So I grew up in a Christian community.

00:13:03.320 --> 00:13:07.360
I spent most of my time with the church
in one way or another.

00:13:07.820 --> 00:13:11.830
And ultimately, when push came to shove,

00:13:12.700 --> 00:13:17.420
there was a lot of hate and fear

00:13:17.420 --> 00:13:20.540
that was preached from the pulpit and.

00:13:22.800 --> 00:13:24.800
It's kind of terrifying
to think about it now.

00:13:24.800 --> 00:13:27.800
Like if I were to, like, rejoin that.

00:13:28.510 --> 00:13:29.970
I don't think I would be accepted.

00:13:29.970 --> 00:13:32.970
So it's it's interesting.

00:13:34.520 --> 00:13:35.730
Sounds scary.

00:13:35.730 --> 00:13:40.480
A little bit.

00:13:40.770 --> 00:13:43.780
And it's so nice to hear

00:13:43.860 --> 00:13:47.400
like younger folks being like, Yeah,
I don't have that trauma for my parents.

00:13:47.400 --> 00:13:49.030
And I'm like,

00:13:49.030 --> 00:13:50.200
That's so cool.

00:13:50.200 --> 00:13:52.410
That's so great.

00:13:52.410 --> 00:13:56.460
Like, for you, it feels good that not
everyone has your experience necessarily.

00:13:56.870 --> 00:14:01.170
Yeah, And also good just to hear that
that's just not the case.

00:14:04.840 --> 00:14:05.800
And then I start thinking like,

00:14:05.800 --> 00:14:08.800
these things that were normal,
they were not normal.

00:14:09.640 --> 00:14:12.600
not everyone knows how you feel.

00:14:13.600 --> 00:14:16.350
Yeah, and it's tough.

00:14:16.350 --> 00:14:19.270
You see the, the goodness in society

00:14:19.270 --> 00:14:22.900
that there are parents who are accepting
and willing to help their kids and

00:14:24.070 --> 00:14:25.780
do whatever they need.

00:14:25.780 --> 00:14:28.240
But it also brings up that

00:14:28.240 --> 00:14:30.570
glaring difference
that that's not your experience.

00:14:30.570 --> 00:14:31.990
Yeah,

00:14:31.990 --> 00:14:32.780
so it's nice.

00:14:32.780 --> 00:14:36.250
It's really nice, but in a lot of ways
I'm just kind of sitting here like,

00:14:37.160 --> 00:14:40.000
Well, dang, I missed out on something

00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:42.170
like,

00:14:42.170 --> 00:14:45.170
what would that be like?

00:14:48.470 --> 00:14:53.720
I. Still feel, though
it's sometimes safer if I put on make up

00:14:54.140 --> 00:14:57.140
because what I'm like.

00:14:57.890 --> 00:15:00.900
Well, if push comes to shove,
the maybe who they'll like,

00:15:00.900 --> 00:15:03.730
you know, is still
that person that I present.

00:15:06.780 --> 00:15:08.240
Because I stole in a lot of ways.

00:15:08.240 --> 00:15:11.240
Don't have the confidence to be like,
I don't care anymore.

00:15:11.450 --> 00:15:13.490
I'm I know I kind of still do care
a little bit.

00:15:13.490 --> 00:15:15.120
Like,

00:15:15.120 --> 00:15:18.000
yeah, what people see
and what they think of you.

00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:20.210
It goes back and forth a lot.

00:15:20.210 --> 00:15:20.620
Really.

00:15:20.620 --> 00:15:23.920
It's like, does
it make you feel good about you or is it

00:15:23.920 --> 00:15:26.920
just for other people?

00:15:28.590 --> 00:15:30.880
I think it's making me feel good for me,

00:15:30.880 --> 00:15:33.890
but it also still makes me feel
a little bit like,

00:15:34.140 --> 00:15:37.260
well, is this an insecurity on me,
or is this insecurity

00:15:37.260 --> 00:15:38.680
that's promoted by someone else?

00:15:38.680 --> 00:15:41.690
Right? And.

00:15:42.390 --> 00:15:45.400
At this point I'm just like, no,
I'll wear what I feel comfortable wearing.

00:15:45.940 --> 00:15:49.530
And if eventually I decide
I don't want you, then I won't. But.

00:15:51.860 --> 00:15:54.870
I started thinking about

00:15:54.990 --> 00:15:57.990
what I am and am not comfortable with.

00:16:00.750 --> 00:16:03.120
I think

00:16:03.120 --> 00:16:07.040
I got the I decided, like, you know,
I'm not going to change right now

00:16:07.800 --> 00:16:10.590
because I do feel very like comfortable
and confident

00:16:10.590 --> 00:16:13.590
in myself.

00:16:14.050 --> 00:16:16.260
But at the same time, it was just kind of
like one of those like,

00:16:16.260 --> 00:16:21.390
why did my confidence
suddenly start to get very shaky and.

00:16:22.560 --> 00:16:25.520
Being confronted with that again,
I was like,

00:16:25.520 --> 00:16:25.980
you know what?

00:16:25.980 --> 00:16:28.520
All those thoughts about me
not being like as palatable?

00:16:28.520 --> 00:16:31.530
It's probably better sometimes.

00:16:31.570 --> 00:16:34.530
There's some pros to it for sure.

00:16:34.530 --> 00:16:36.950
Hey, I think you are

00:16:36.950 --> 00:16:39.580
Thank you. Be.

00:16:39.580 --> 00:16:43.830
Not being everyone's
cup of tea is definitely not your fault.

00:16:43.830 --> 00:16:46.830
And completely okay.

00:16:48.210 --> 00:16:51.210
And maybe in some at times helpful.

00:16:52.380 --> 00:16:55.380
But then it comes to like how I present

00:16:55.380 --> 00:16:57.680
and I'm like, well, maybe it's
not as straightforward as I thought.

00:17:00.510 --> 00:17:03.180
I moved to Colorado

00:17:03.180 --> 00:17:06.190
at the beginning of last year.

00:17:06.190 --> 00:17:08.730
End of 2021.

00:17:08.730 --> 00:17:11.940
And so far, it's
been the Eden of legislation.

00:17:11.940 --> 00:17:14.950
Because I'm originally from Kentucky.

00:17:15.610 --> 00:17:19.700
And right now,
a bill was passed that says, you know,

00:17:19.700 --> 00:17:23.830
all minors who are undergoing transgender
health care have to stop.

00:17:24.200 --> 00:17:27.210
And detransition. And I'm just like.

00:17:27.330 --> 00:17:30.340
That's kind of scary.

00:17:31.750 --> 00:17:33.340
And, you know, my brother and my folks

00:17:33.340 --> 00:17:36.340
still kind of live there, so.

00:17:36.510 --> 00:17:39.930
I'm hoping this is going to, you know,
kind of start the conversation in a place

00:17:39.930 --> 00:17:43.310
where, like, I can still get
all the health care that I need.

00:17:44.600 --> 00:17:47.480
But, yeah, it's

00:17:47.480 --> 00:17:49.610
it's the,

00:17:49.610 --> 00:17:51.730
The British. We have yet to burn.

00:17:51.730 --> 00:17:53.570
So we're going to see how that goes.

00:17:57.070 --> 00:17:59.030
So you're going to do

00:17:59.030 --> 00:18:02.450
you're going to work on gender affirming
surgery first and then name change after,

00:18:02.450 --> 00:18:04.240
or kind of just doing all of it
at the same time,

00:18:04.240 --> 00:18:06.290
just doing it all at the same time. Okay.

00:18:06.290 --> 00:18:09.290
Just because I know there's going to be
a wait list and I know it's probably

00:18:09.290 --> 00:18:12.290
going to be happening immediately.

00:18:13.130 --> 00:18:15.960
because there is some plan
that has to go into in terms of like,

00:18:15.960 --> 00:18:19.840
okay, if I plan out, it's going to be,
you know, this many months away.

00:18:20.180 --> 00:18:20.510
You know,

00:18:20.510 --> 00:18:21.430
I got to let Nick know

00:18:21.430 --> 00:18:24.430
so that he can, with his boss, knows
that he doesn't travel during that time.

00:18:25.100 --> 00:18:28.270
And his boss has always been like,
yeah, you take off as much time

00:18:28.270 --> 00:18:30.400
as you need to take
care of family. That's great.

00:18:32.060 --> 00:18:34.820
I'm glad to hear
that you have such a supportive partner

00:18:34.820 --> 00:18:39.450
and that Nick has supported his work
and that you're supportive.

00:18:40.070 --> 00:18:43.280
Classmates and school and everything.

00:18:44.870 --> 00:18:46.580
Because you deserve

00:18:46.580 --> 00:18:49.210
It's very nice.

00:18:49.210 --> 00:18:52.420
Like, it honestly makes the rest of the
wait the harder things.

00:18:52.420 --> 00:18:57.260
I'm still dealing with, like less heavy.

00:18:57.630 --> 00:19:01.720
And now it feels like I can

00:19:01.720 --> 00:19:05.970
maybe spend a bit more attention
on like the cost of ADHD.

00:19:06.430 --> 00:19:09.430
That's kind of been built up.

00:19:12.060 --> 00:19:15.070
I feel like a lot of, like what,

00:19:15.480 --> 00:19:18.110
especially in my parents, is like a mental
illness is something

00:19:18.110 --> 00:19:21.110
that is like.

00:19:21.700 --> 00:19:24.200
Like a cold or flu, right?

00:19:24.200 --> 00:19:28.160
It lasts for a certain amount of time
and eventually you will move past it.

00:19:30.330 --> 00:19:34.920
Like eventually
like everything gets fixed.

00:19:38.130 --> 00:19:38.590
And I,

00:19:38.590 --> 00:19:41.590
I don't know if that's really the case,

00:19:42.010 --> 00:19:45.510
but then I'm also the way I think of it.

00:19:46.010 --> 00:19:48.560
I mean, I think,

00:19:48.560 --> 00:19:50.770
can symptoms be managed? Can.

00:19:50.770 --> 00:19:55.020
Can you like, you know,
someone struggling with anxiety? Can,

00:19:56.480 --> 00:19:58.400
you know, learn a lot of coping skills

00:19:58.400 --> 00:20:01.610
to make it not so impactful in their life?

00:20:01.610 --> 00:20:06.990
But I do think that person will always
be prone to anxiousness on some level.

00:20:06.990 --> 00:20:08.200
You know what I mean?

00:20:08.200 --> 00:20:11.580
I don't I don't know that
it fully goes away for a lot of people.

00:20:12.330 --> 00:20:16.130
I think it's more of a they've learned
to manage it in a certain way.

00:20:16.130 --> 00:20:17.590
Or, you know, maybe medication
really helps.

00:20:17.590 --> 00:20:19.840
So they have almost no symptoms.

00:20:19.840 --> 00:20:24.510
But I don't I don't think
that's the way it's supposed to work.

00:20:26.510 --> 00:20:29.510
Hi. How you see your symptoms?

00:20:30.220 --> 00:20:31.980
I was not eight. Like autism.

00:20:31.980 --> 00:20:35.900
Definitely superpowers because
I don't know if you've ever seen, like

00:20:37.230 --> 00:20:40.230
especially a child on the spectrum of.

00:20:42.860 --> 00:20:44.320
I'm not going to say anything.

00:20:44.320 --> 00:20:47.320
You sneak up just like you wish to.

00:21:01.510 --> 00:21:02.460
Working with Charlie

00:21:02.460 --> 00:21:05.550
has been different
than some of my other clients.

00:21:06.970 --> 00:21:09.300
In the sense that they are older.

00:21:09.300 --> 00:21:14.180
I tend to work with teenagers
and younger clients and their families,

00:21:14.180 --> 00:21:18.900
so I do still work with adults, but,
working with Charlie kind of reminded me

00:21:19.940 --> 00:21:24.530
how great it can be to work with adults
because Charlie is so insightful.

00:21:24.990 --> 00:21:27.990
When they come to therapy every week with.

00:21:28.120 --> 00:21:31.580
Something they've thought about, something
they want to talk about, like,

00:21:31.580 --> 00:21:34.410
and they are doing so much of
that connection themselves.

00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:38.580
And Nick was raised really

00:21:38.580 --> 00:21:42.500
religious too, right They're very
his father is a Christian author, Right.

00:21:42.500 --> 00:21:43.340
Okay. Yeah.

00:21:43.340 --> 00:21:46.340
I remember you saying
that his father was a deacon and I'm like,

00:21:47.300 --> 00:21:50.300
so you have that experience
of each other, too?

00:21:50.350 --> 00:21:50.930
yeah.

00:21:50.930 --> 00:21:56.640
And like Nick up going to church a lot
and we both had people in our lives

00:21:56.690 --> 00:21:59.810
like, you should become a pastor
or a reverend, go to divinity school.

00:21:59.810 --> 00:22:01.320
And I'm like,

00:22:01.320 --> 00:22:04.650
Give me a real shame when I'm like,
And then I didn't believe it,

00:22:06.450 --> 00:22:07.990
which isn't nice.

00:22:07.990 --> 00:22:10.660
It's not necessarily true.

00:22:10.660 --> 00:22:14.040
I just believe in

00:22:16.200 --> 00:22:19.170
the contextual interpretation
of a lot of stuff.

00:22:19.170 --> 00:22:22.040
And the context right now

00:22:22.040 --> 00:22:26.670
is, at least for me, is
the organization is also people.

00:22:27.420 --> 00:22:28.300
Yeah.

00:22:28.300 --> 00:22:31.350
And it's very much it's
not just a building, it's very much pride

00:22:31.350 --> 00:22:37.060
in the people that come into it
and it's really kind of haunting if

00:22:38.350 --> 00:22:38.940
you feel

00:22:38.940 --> 00:22:41.940
like your
safety is going to be in jeopardy

00:22:41.980 --> 00:22:46.650
by the people who you think are going
to support you the most and be like, well,

00:22:46.990 --> 00:22:50.910
you know, if I don't decide to be,
this will happens.

00:22:59.620 --> 00:23:01.330
Oh, do you want to even keep watching or.

00:23:01.330 --> 00:23:05.170
Yeah, I didn't realize my voice sounds.

00:23:07.050 --> 00:23:09.050
I'm actually tearing up a little bit,
I haven't heard.

00:23:09.050 --> 00:23:10.260
I was like, that's not my voice.

00:23:10.260 --> 00:23:13.260
Wait wait wait
wait wait wait wait wait wait wait,

00:23:14.220 --> 00:23:15.850
I so really.

00:23:15.850 --> 00:23:18.850
Oh, my word.

00:23:19.390 --> 00:23:21.230
I might actually

00:23:21.230 --> 00:23:23.560
okay, that's very affirming.

00:23:23.560 --> 00:23:26.190
Holy cow.

00:23:26.190 --> 00:23:28.360
That's.

00:23:28.360 --> 00:23:31.320
Wow.

00:23:31.320 --> 00:23:31.490
Yeah.

00:23:31.490 --> 00:23:34.490
I heard your voice be so deep. No.

00:23:36.200 --> 00:23:39.200
Or feel so comfortable

00:23:39.250 --> 00:23:42.250
hearing that and not feeling like. Oh.

00:23:42.830 --> 00:23:44.710
Oh, that's not my voice at all. Wow.

00:23:44.710 --> 00:23:48.260
That's Also incredible
footage of that rabbit.

00:23:48.920 --> 00:23:50.800
I think that's what really made me cry.

00:23:50.800 --> 00:23:54.090
I was like, oh,
my word, that rabbit looks so fluffy.

00:23:55.010 --> 00:23:56.140
And that's your art.

00:23:57.600 --> 00:23:59.060
But the rabbits in the top.

00:23:59.060 --> 00:24:00.600
What's that about?

00:24:00.600 --> 00:24:03.520
So that is one of the pieces I got.

00:24:03.520 --> 00:24:05.860
I put in the student art showcase.

00:24:05.860 --> 00:24:11.530
And the pieces are tile remembering
with an H and a little asterisks.

00:24:11.780 --> 00:24:18.200
So remembering her name,
because my name is biblical and

00:24:19.370 --> 00:24:21.960
there's a lot of complicated,
layered emotions

00:24:21.960 --> 00:24:26.540
that come into thinking about that name,

00:24:30.510 --> 00:24:32.880
But yeah, my mom called and I was like,
okay, interesting.

00:24:32.880 --> 00:24:35.890
What reason?

00:24:36.090 --> 00:24:41.680
And she sort of is like, you know, I'd
really like to see you for spring break.

00:24:41.680 --> 00:24:43.940
And I'm like,

00:24:43.940 --> 00:24:45.440
I don't know what I'm doing. Spring break.

00:24:45.440 --> 00:24:47.810
I knew there were some things
that I might have to do for school.

00:24:47.810 --> 00:24:48.690
So like,

00:24:48.690 --> 00:24:51.740
I don't know at this moment, just like,
okay, then, like when the semester's over,

00:24:51.740 --> 00:24:53.860
like, we'll fly you out. Like we want to
pay for a ticket. And I was like,

00:24:58.030 --> 00:24:58.620
Interesting.

00:24:58.620 --> 00:25:00.410
I don't feel like there's
any more obligation

00:25:00.410 --> 00:25:04.160
for me to go back to my folks place
because my pup isn't there anymore.

00:25:04.500 --> 00:25:10.250
And I'm just kind of like,
do I have to, other than part of me

00:25:10.250 --> 00:25:13.420
kind of realize
that based on like my plan for,

00:25:13.420 --> 00:25:17.220
like how I wanted this semester
to essentially go out

00:25:18.390 --> 00:25:21.350
or I guess like my whole plans was like,
Wait, I'm planning on changing my name

00:25:21.350 --> 00:25:23.310
like this coming year.

00:25:23.310 --> 00:25:27.980
So if you book a flight ticket,
you will be saying, yeah, that.

00:25:28.310 --> 00:25:32.480
And I was like, This may be like

00:25:33.860 --> 00:25:35.490
the bridge to finally cross.

00:25:35.490 --> 00:25:38.320
Like kind of came inside and I was like,
You know what?

00:25:38.320 --> 00:25:40.580
I really don't feel
any more obligation to go back.

00:25:42.660 --> 00:25:43.540
And if push came

00:25:43.540 --> 00:25:46.580
to shove, if that was like ultimately
like, okay, I agree to come home,

00:25:46.580 --> 00:25:50.500
but you have to book it under this name
and I will like it myself.

00:25:50.500 --> 00:25:55.050
And we could go one or two ways.

00:25:55.050 --> 00:25:57.380
Either one, it's like, okay,
then we're not going to book a ticket for.

00:25:57.380 --> 00:25:59.140
I'm like, okay, that's great health.

00:25:59.140 --> 00:26:00.680
My problem

00:26:00.680 --> 00:26:04.310
or the other one where they're like, okay,
I guess this is going to be a change

00:26:04.310 --> 00:26:07.310
that we're going
to have to like, acclimate to now.

00:26:07.640 --> 00:26:10.610
And that kind of like
whole realization, like,

00:26:11.610 --> 00:26:12.860
I came to it like this last weekend.

00:26:12.860 --> 00:26:14.690
I was like

00:26:14.690 --> 00:26:18.200
an opportunity
that I did not see previously.

00:26:18.780 --> 00:26:21.070
Maybe this will be that.

00:26:21.070 --> 00:26:23.870
So yeah,

00:26:23.870 --> 00:26:27.330
Do you think your mom will, like, disown

00:26:27.330 --> 00:26:31.710
you or just kind of deny that part of you
but still want a relationship

00:26:35.300 --> 00:26:44.930
of I'm

00:26:44.970 --> 00:26:48.850
a be honest she may not for being trans
she may throw because I.

00:26:48.940 --> 00:26:51.940
I don't really believe in Christianity.

00:26:51.940 --> 00:26:56.360
Yeah,
I feel like that be harder for away her.

00:26:56.360 --> 00:26:58.450
She's like, okay, you can be gay, okay?

00:26:58.450 --> 00:27:00.490
You could be a man. Okay?

00:27:00.490 --> 00:27:01.160
You're not Christian.

00:27:01.160 --> 00:27:01.870
Wait a minute.

00:27:01.870 --> 00:27:04.870
That. That's where I

00:27:05.080 --> 00:27:07.250
I think dropping all that on her,

00:27:07.250 --> 00:27:09.870
she might just have an aneurysm
and then like that be the end.

00:27:09.870 --> 00:27:12.330
Yeah. I feel like I was just like,
Okay, here's the whole checklist.

00:27:12.330 --> 00:27:15.300
You know, we're
just going to cross these off one by one.

00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:18.920
I think her blood pressure
will just skyrocket.

00:27:19.260 --> 00:27:22.930
what I'm hearing you say is that
you really do still care about your mom

00:27:22.930 --> 00:27:26.430
and your relationship with her,
and you don't want to hurt her, but

00:27:27.600 --> 00:27:30.600
eventually
you're going to have to tell her

00:27:31.230 --> 00:27:32.940
who you are

00:27:32.940 --> 00:27:34.190
people.

00:27:34.190 --> 00:27:37.570
also think it would just come down
to a point where, like, if we opened up

00:27:37.570 --> 00:27:40.900
that can of worms of the religious thing,
it wouldn't be,

00:27:42.360 --> 00:27:44.660
you know, if she decides to not say,

00:27:44.660 --> 00:27:47.950
you know, just continues
my dead name, that I'd be like

00:27:49.120 --> 00:27:51.460
okay like at least there's that.

00:27:51.460 --> 00:27:54.380
But I was like,
and I'm also not a Christian.

00:27:54.380 --> 00:28:00.050
Then I feel like I would just get barraged
by like Testament deals and devotionals

00:28:00.050 --> 00:28:03.890
in the mail being like, but think again,
like Christ might save you,

00:28:13.190 --> 00:28:14.850
I mean, that's

00:28:14.850 --> 00:28:17.860
oh, then you're frowning face. Wow.

00:28:24.530 --> 00:28:27.530
I'm not as scared about,
like, her having an aneurysm anymore.

00:28:27.530 --> 00:28:29.830
Here's a lot of.

00:28:29.830 --> 00:28:32.410
There's been some progress in this where,

00:28:34.250 --> 00:28:37.250
you know, she does not feel

00:28:38.210 --> 00:28:39.460
well. I don't want to say
she doesn't feel better.

00:28:39.460 --> 00:28:40.760
She's very invested.

00:28:40.760 --> 00:28:42.380
She's so invested.

00:28:42.380 --> 00:28:45.260
She wants to know all of that.

00:28:45.260 --> 00:28:48.260
But in a way that it's not, you know.

00:28:52.480 --> 00:28:52.810
Like.

00:28:52.810 --> 00:28:55.810
Yeah, yeah,
her blood pressure may skyrocket, but

00:28:57.020 --> 00:28:58.520
there's a lot of things that I recognize

00:28:58.520 --> 00:29:01.530
now that I might be able
to have a conversation with her

00:29:02.360 --> 00:29:05.360
that's while to think about

00:29:09.030 --> 00:29:09.870
What do you think it is

00:29:09.870 --> 00:29:12.870
about drawing horses that you enjoy?

00:29:13.160 --> 00:29:16.170
I think they look really weird.

00:29:17.380 --> 00:29:20.670
I also thought it was kinda interesting
because, like, when I was kid, like, it's.

00:29:20.670 --> 00:29:24.090
It's a very big prey animal, like.

00:29:24.760 --> 00:29:25.590
Yeah.

00:29:25.590 --> 00:29:28.600
And you don't really see a lot of those.

00:29:30.100 --> 00:29:32.060
I think it also was because, like,

00:29:32.060 --> 00:29:34.980
I think I got along with critters
a lot better than I got along with, like,

00:29:34.980 --> 00:29:35.890
people when I was a kid.

00:29:40.770 --> 00:29:41.190
Yeah.

00:29:41.190 --> 00:29:44.190
See, it looks nice, doesn't it?

00:29:45.070 --> 00:29:52.410
Look Yes, I'm Grant told off.

00:29:53.040 --> 00:29:56.040
What about this?

00:29:56.160 --> 00:29:56.660
This?

00:29:56.660 --> 00:29:57.620
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:29:57.620 --> 00:30:00.630
Okay.

00:30:01.130 --> 00:30:02.500
Yeah,

00:30:02.500 --> 00:30:04.090
that one can be I think. Buddy.

00:30:04.090 --> 00:30:07.090
You want it again? No,

00:30:08.840 --> 00:30:10.970
I used to think that, like, anxiety

00:30:10.970 --> 00:30:14.600
has to be a thing that you avoided, Like,
don't do it.

00:30:14.600 --> 00:30:15.560
Like, just don't be anxious.

00:30:15.560 --> 00:30:18.560
Don't be, you know,

00:30:19.980 --> 00:30:22.980
just come to say hi, sweet girl.

00:30:23.150 --> 00:30:26.150
Would you like to contribute as well?

00:30:27.610 --> 00:30:29.910
Because sometimes
I'll get anxious around people

00:30:29.910 --> 00:30:31.280
and they're like, You're doing okay.

00:30:31.280 --> 00:30:32.660
And I'm like, I'm really, really nervous

00:30:32.660 --> 00:30:35.660
because I don't really know
what to do about that.

00:30:36.700 --> 00:30:39.710
Be like,

00:30:46.420 --> 00:30:47.800
people spend money on horse toys.

00:30:47.800 --> 00:30:50.550
I just seem to bring out a piece of paper.

00:30:50.550 --> 00:30:53.470
Would you like, what do you.

00:30:53.470 --> 00:30:54.260
Yes, please.

00:30:57.890 --> 00:31:00.060
No, I want that.

00:31:00.060 --> 00:31:03.060
She feels,

00:31:06.030 --> 00:31:09.030
my gosh, that's too funny.

00:31:10.950 --> 00:31:14.620
the is just beautiful.

00:31:14.700 --> 00:31:17.540
I'm she's just like,
We're fine, we're good.

00:31:17.540 --> 00:31:18.710
I'm going to take a nap.

00:31:18.710 --> 00:31:21.710
I'll come over and be nice, you know?

00:31:21.750 --> 00:31:25.380
And Hawks, you're being like,
I am a Batman.

00:31:25.420 --> 00:31:28.420
Like, I'm
going to get through the game back like,

00:31:31.010 --> 00:31:33.970
I think yeah, it is
kind of nice that she's.

00:31:34.300 --> 00:31:37.970
Because if she was like him
it'd be chaos out here.

00:31:38.100 --> 00:31:39.020
24 seven.

00:31:39.020 --> 00:31:43.350
So she's kind of the grounding calm force
and he's, they're just like fine,

00:31:44.610 --> 00:31:47.730
yeah, I worry about this like, I got this.

00:31:50.900 --> 00:31:52.490
Animals are great like that, though,

00:31:52.490 --> 00:31:55.490
because it'll just take you
in the present moment.

00:31:55.490 --> 00:31:56.490
They don't care about the past.

00:31:56.490 --> 00:31:57.740
They don't know about the past.

00:31:57.740 --> 00:31:59.700
They don't understand, you know,

00:32:02.370 --> 00:32:03.170
they don't have anxiety

00:32:03.170 --> 00:32:06.170
about the future either

00:32:06.250 --> 00:32:07.210
like that.

00:32:07.210 --> 00:32:09.550
Other than like,
are you going to feed me in 5 minutes?

00:32:09.550 --> 00:32:11.670
That's like their most anxious time.

00:32:11.670 --> 00:32:13.890
You know,

00:32:13.890 --> 00:32:16.850
we are very good at just
being in the moment and taking us there.

00:32:16.850 --> 00:32:20.220
I think that's why I really like animals.

00:32:20.430 --> 00:32:23.440
So just like, Hey, right now we're okay.

00:32:24.190 --> 00:32:26.860
Like you said, your neck,
you'll figure it out later.

00:32:26.860 --> 00:32:28.020
You'll figure it out. You will.

00:32:28.020 --> 00:32:30.190
You've done it before.

00:32:30.190 --> 00:32:32.820
FOX Feel

00:32:32.820 --> 00:32:35.490
as consequential when you're like, Yeah,
but you get to hang out

00:32:35.490 --> 00:32:38.490
with these gigantic critics
for like an hour a day.

00:32:40.040 --> 00:32:43.040
What could be wrong?

00:32:43.830 --> 00:32:46.830
You know,
I think for Charlie specifically,

00:32:47.040 --> 00:32:50.550
the animals
bring a lot of levity to hard things

00:32:50.960 --> 00:32:54.470
of reminding us,
just like stuff is hard, but.

00:32:55.090 --> 00:32:56.090
Like we can laugh.

00:32:56.090 --> 00:33:00.350
All of these animals have faced adversity
in some way for the most part.

00:33:00.350 --> 00:33:04.020
And you know, they're so good
at living in the moment

00:33:04.020 --> 00:33:07.860
and finding their joy and their happiness
and connecting with people

00:33:07.860 --> 00:33:08.690
who treat them well.

00:33:08.690 --> 00:33:13.150
And I think that is a big self-esteem
booster for our clients.

00:33:13.150 --> 00:33:17.450
And Charlie, especially, I think
really gets a lot of peace from that.

00:33:22.040 --> 00:33:25.040
Nick and I were talking

00:33:25.080 --> 00:33:28.080
Since.

00:33:29.130 --> 00:33:32.130
And then Nick said something.

00:33:32.340 --> 00:33:35.340
where he was like, yeah, if you like.

00:33:35.680 --> 00:33:38.680
Your perfectionism

00:33:39.140 --> 00:33:43.310
or like your inclination to be like, yeah,
you know, I have perfection straight.

00:33:43.350 --> 00:33:44.560
I'm like, I need it to be this way.

00:33:44.560 --> 00:33:46.350
I want it to be this way.

00:33:46.350 --> 00:33:49.610
Like, feels like a do or die
kind of situation.

00:33:51.360 --> 00:33:53.690
Is that like anxiety telling you that?

00:33:53.690 --> 00:33:56.700
Yeah.

00:34:03.370 --> 00:34:05.960
They.

00:34:05.960 --> 00:34:08.420
And I realize that a lot of
that is like Catholics

00:34:08.420 --> 00:34:11.500
using shame as a motivational technique.

00:34:11.540 --> 00:34:13.460
And I'm like,
if shame worked, it wouldn't work by now.

00:34:13.460 --> 00:34:16.470
Like educate myself enough.

00:34:17.630 --> 00:34:19.760
It's.

00:34:19.760 --> 00:34:21.600
That's some.

00:34:21.600 --> 00:34:24.520
clear lesson to learn

00:34:24.520 --> 00:34:27.770
or I guess what I'm trying to learn now
then, like these are

00:34:27.770 --> 00:34:29.150
the seven deadly sins.

00:34:29.150 --> 00:34:31.360
Here are the 12,
you know, disciples of Christ like.

00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:35.490
I imagine it's hard to

00:34:35.490 --> 00:34:39.160
kind of start over
in your spiritual journey.

00:34:39.240 --> 00:34:40.320
Yeah.

00:34:40.320 --> 00:34:43.330
Like you had this very set

00:34:44.290 --> 00:34:46.870
way of understanding things growing up.

00:34:46.870 --> 00:34:49.870
And now that you've questioned
some of that and

00:34:50.120 --> 00:34:53.130
moved on.

00:34:57.090 --> 00:35:00.090
Do you feel more connected to him

00:35:00.300 --> 00:35:01.260
without the fence?

00:35:01.260 --> 00:35:04.260
Oh, yeah.

00:35:07.980 --> 00:35:09.350
You still won't be grumpy.

00:35:09.350 --> 00:35:12.360
Yeah, fine.

00:35:17.110 --> 00:35:20.110
Hey. Oh, hockey

00:35:20.660 --> 00:35:23.660
team.

00:35:31.620 --> 00:35:34.000
Maybe he's telling us
it's too much energy.

00:35:34.000 --> 00:35:36.630
It might be.

00:35:36.630 --> 00:35:38.300
These I like understands

00:35:38.300 --> 00:35:41.300
that like there was our reasoning behind

00:35:41.760 --> 00:35:44.850
why they did what they did
and what I experienced with those things

00:35:45.600 --> 00:35:48.600
might be just
my reaction is a reflection of myself.

00:35:49.020 --> 00:35:49.560
Like.

00:35:49.560 --> 00:35:53.230
I feel like this because I'm used
to framing myself in this way, And.

00:35:53.310 --> 00:35:57.730
and I'm going to look for it
if I think in like these seven areas.

00:36:05.370 --> 00:36:07.580
Hey, look what?

00:36:07.580 --> 00:36:10.580
Stop! No!

00:36:12.670 --> 00:36:14.330
Are we going to need too much, buddy?

00:36:14.330 --> 00:36:16.920
Hey! No! Hey!

00:36:16.920 --> 00:36:19.050
Okay, relax.

00:36:19.050 --> 00:36:21.340
Back up.

00:36:21.340 --> 00:36:23.930
Yep. Back up.

00:36:23.930 --> 00:36:26.760
No. Back up.

00:36:26.760 --> 00:36:29.770
Come back!

00:36:30.100 --> 00:36:32.140
Back up.

00:36:32.140 --> 00:36:36.940
Stop.

00:36:39.730 --> 00:36:41.530
Okay.

00:36:41.530 --> 00:36:44.490
You're okay.

00:36:45.820 --> 00:36:46.570
That brings up.

00:36:46.570 --> 00:36:48.490
I have anxiety from watching that.

00:36:48.490 --> 00:36:52.210
I have a little bit of anxiety
just because I haven't seen that

00:36:52.210 --> 00:36:53.410
since that happened.

00:36:53.410 --> 00:37:15.190
But yeah, no, it's So.

00:37:28.950 --> 00:37:33.660
Hawk has a limit.

00:37:33.870 --> 00:37:34.790
He does.

00:37:34.790 --> 00:37:36.710
And it's been fun
finding my own limits in that way, too.

00:37:36.710 --> 00:37:37.750
Just being like,

00:37:37.750 --> 00:37:41.750
sometimes I don't
really want to be stressed when I'm here,

00:37:42.590 --> 00:37:43.800
but it's just really nice.

00:37:43.800 --> 00:37:45.590
Also to, like,
at the end of every session,

00:37:45.590 --> 00:37:47.720
just come up to him and be like,
you want an apple?

00:37:47.720 --> 00:37:49.640
He's like, yes, I do want an apple.

00:37:49.640 --> 00:37:52.600
And, you know, pulling up into the parking
lot and every single time he's like,

00:37:53.220 --> 00:37:55.850
the apples are here. I knew it

00:37:57.140 --> 00:37:57.560
Excuse me.

00:37:57.560 --> 00:38:00.560
You've been pretty good with us.

00:38:03.190 --> 00:38:04.190
This.

00:38:04.190 --> 00:38:07.200
Sometimes he wants to be the Alpha.

00:38:08.360 --> 00:38:11.370
He wants to be in charge.

00:38:12.450 --> 00:38:12.950
Also.

00:38:12.950 --> 00:38:13.740
Now I'm thinking about it.

00:38:13.740 --> 00:38:17.290
We haven't really gone from like one side
to the other during a session.

00:38:17.920 --> 00:38:21.590
Maybe he was like, I kind of like this,
but I need my piece now.

00:38:21.840 --> 00:38:23.550
Yeah,

00:38:23.550 --> 00:38:26.510
it was a little much for him
in the moment.

00:38:27.300 --> 00:38:29.590
I think you handled it well.

00:38:29.590 --> 00:38:32.600
You stay calm.

00:38:39.270 --> 00:38:40.980
Oh, okay.

00:38:40.980 --> 00:38:43.610
That's interesting, actually.

00:38:43.610 --> 00:38:45.780
I'm thinking about it again.

00:38:45.780 --> 00:38:48.320
Animals don't

00:38:48.320 --> 00:38:51.320
know about sin, right?

00:38:51.950 --> 00:38:54.580
They don't know morality.

00:38:54.580 --> 00:38:56.790
They know.

00:38:56.790 --> 00:38:59.370
Are you?

00:38:59.370 --> 00:39:01.380
How you treat them in your energy

00:39:01.380 --> 00:39:04.380
that comes to them.

00:39:04.550 --> 00:39:07.550
And right now
you look very calm and peaceful.

00:39:08.720 --> 00:39:11.260
They're all very interested
in being around

00:39:11.260 --> 00:39:13.470
you, and even Hawke is very interested
in being around you.

00:39:13.470 --> 00:39:15.720
He's like,
I just do what you pay attention to.

00:39:15.720 --> 00:39:17.140
It's too much.

00:39:17.140 --> 00:39:20.140
And what I think
when you're having that negative self

00:39:20.850 --> 00:39:23.770
experience, he's
he was a little bit more like

00:39:25.020 --> 00:39:27.440
now. Thanks.

00:39:27.440 --> 00:39:30.700
And not that it's just you
I think he's just in a mood today also.

00:39:30.740 --> 00:39:33.740
But thank you for your input.

00:39:34.030 --> 00:39:37.790
As you could tell,
I felt like when you were more

00:39:39.080 --> 00:39:41.710
in a.

00:39:41.710 --> 00:39:42.880
I'm not good

00:39:42.880 --> 00:39:46.460
because I do these things
or feel this way.

00:39:47.630 --> 00:39:50.550
He's a little more like

00:39:50.550 --> 00:39:53.550
wanting some of that energy for.

00:39:53.800 --> 00:39:55.430
And it could be some of my energy too.

00:39:55.430 --> 00:39:56.100
You never know.

00:39:56.100 --> 00:39:59.060
I mean, but.

00:40:02.810 --> 00:40:04.610
But you are good.

00:40:04.610 --> 00:40:06.320
You are

00:40:06.320 --> 00:40:08.570
a nice kind of person
who cares about others.

00:40:08.570 --> 00:40:11.570
And I think
those are quite virtuous traits.

00:40:13.610 --> 00:40:15.320
And that's what

00:40:15.320 --> 00:40:18.330
I like seeing.

00:40:19.080 --> 00:40:21.410
And all of that really.

00:40:21.410 --> 00:40:24.420
Ethan Hawke still interested?

00:40:26.840 --> 00:40:29.840
He just wanted to control the situation.

00:40:32.510 --> 00:40:35.430
Like your perfectionism?

00:40:35.430 --> 00:40:35.720
Yeah.

00:40:35.720 --> 00:40:37.180
He just wanted to hurt us a little bit.

00:40:37.180 --> 00:40:38.390
Move, move over here.

00:40:38.390 --> 00:40:41.060
I don't
I want you over here now. I'm in charge.

00:40:46.560 --> 00:40:50.280
Insight
is important and it's also limiting.

00:40:50.690 --> 00:40:54.360
If for some people, insight
is enough to elicit change.

00:40:54.360 --> 00:40:58.580
But my experience in doing this work
for 35 years

00:40:58.580 --> 00:41:01.750
or so,
it's just not enough for a lot of people.

00:41:02.080 --> 00:41:04.080
What does that insight really mean?

00:41:04.080 --> 00:41:07.080
If you if you have an understanding
of why you do something,

00:41:07.080 --> 00:41:10.090
that doesn't necessarily mean
you're going to do something different.

00:41:10.090 --> 00:41:13.760
But here you have a motivation
to maybe do something different.

00:41:14.050 --> 00:41:15.760
And you have.

00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:18.850
A place to try new things out,

00:41:18.850 --> 00:41:22.810
to see the response,
how it comes back from the animals.

00:41:22.810 --> 00:41:24.640
They're there, the mirrors.

00:41:24.640 --> 00:41:26.980
They're the ones who are going to feed
you back.

00:41:26.980 --> 00:41:29.520
The information about how your behavior

00:41:29.520 --> 00:41:32.860
is being,
being read, being perceived in the world.

00:41:33.320 --> 00:41:37.490
And so by being able
to watch those reactions,

00:41:38.070 --> 00:41:43.000
you're really able
to have a different level of understand.

00:41:43.500 --> 00:41:46.370
That I think goes beyond the cognition.

00:41:47.830 --> 00:41:50.130
Good boy.

00:41:50.130 --> 00:41:52.300
What do you want to do today?

00:41:52.300 --> 00:41:55.300
Maybe we could groom Hawke

00:41:58.760 --> 00:42:01.760
I know, okay?

00:42:03.720 --> 00:42:05.020
This surgery will be

00:42:05.020 --> 00:42:08.020
a big milestone for you.

00:42:09.560 --> 00:42:13.480
Have you considered

00:42:14.690 --> 00:42:17.360
if that will

00:42:17.360 --> 00:42:19.200
kind of like mean anything

00:42:19.200 --> 00:42:22.200
as far as your relationship
with your parents?

00:42:22.200 --> 00:42:24.500
I mean, I know it's slightly fine.

00:42:24.500 --> 00:42:27.830
They can look at you
and tell that something's been done, but

00:42:28.670 --> 00:42:31.420
I mean, they know that I don't want to get
a hysterectomy for a while.

00:42:31.420 --> 00:42:33.050
And others like

00:42:33.050 --> 00:42:36.630
you have to like, why would you like?

00:42:37.220 --> 00:42:38.220
Because I want to.

00:42:38.220 --> 00:42:41.510
Yeah, because it be better for my health
and my mental well-being.

00:42:43.640 --> 00:42:47.310
But she's just more concerned
about the fact

00:42:47.310 --> 00:42:50.730
that, like,
I would have surgery, the top surgery.

00:42:52.400 --> 00:42:55.650
I feel like they would probably
go, Does she have any idea?

00:42:59.530 --> 00:43:02.530
Does she know you have a different name?

00:43:02.580 --> 00:43:03.330
I know she does.

00:43:03.330 --> 00:43:06.290
I know.

00:43:06.750 --> 00:43:09.250
I don't think she knows.

00:43:09.250 --> 00:43:11.130
as far as like, if she understands

00:43:11.130 --> 00:43:14.130
what a transmasculine individual is,
I have no idea.

00:43:14.750 --> 00:43:16.800
I have legitimately no idea.

00:43:16.800 --> 00:43:20.340
The only time I could think of her
I didn't like seeing

00:43:20.340 --> 00:43:25.220
that would be either from the news
or from like a pop culture movie.

00:43:25.430 --> 00:43:28.270
And the ones that I know
that she has seen

00:43:28.270 --> 00:43:31.270
haven't exactly been the most

00:43:33.400 --> 00:43:34.690
positive portrayals.

00:43:34.690 --> 00:43:37.530
Yeah,

00:43:37.530 --> 00:43:39.780
I think the trans masculine
would understand the nonbinary.

00:43:39.780 --> 00:43:42.450
She'd just be like, I don't understand.

00:43:42.450 --> 00:43:44.030
Is it one or the other?

00:43:44.030 --> 00:43:45.870
It's a tough one for folks.

00:43:45.870 --> 00:43:48.040
Yeah,

00:43:48.040 --> 00:43:51.170
How do you feel about kind of this?

00:43:51.870 --> 00:43:54.250
It sounds like kind
of disclosing more to her is

00:43:55.380 --> 00:43:57.210
imminent, I guess.

00:43:57.210 --> 00:43:58.010
Does that Yeah.

00:43:58.010 --> 00:43:59.590
Yeah. Feel correct?

00:43:59.590 --> 00:44:02.050
yeah. It's all kind of just like it is.

00:44:02.050 --> 00:44:03.430
The timeline has been set.

00:44:03.430 --> 00:44:05.140
How are we going to do this?

00:44:05.140 --> 00:44:08.140
You know, how

00:44:08.850 --> 00:44:10.600
how do I prepare for this eventuality?

00:44:10.600 --> 00:44:12.560
Do I. Do I tell her beforehand?

00:44:12.560 --> 00:44:13.900
I'm like, I going to tell her beforehand.

00:44:13.900 --> 00:44:15.480
I'm not disclosing that to her.

00:44:15.480 --> 00:44:17.020
They're in person. Yeah.

00:44:17.020 --> 00:44:19.360
Give her some time to process maybe.

00:44:19.360 --> 00:44:22.360
Yeah.

00:44:23.110 --> 00:44:26.120
But you would prefer
your mother be supportive?

00:44:26.490 --> 00:44:27.410
I would.

00:44:27.410 --> 00:44:31.580
I think it would make life a lot easier
and I would be a lot more willing

00:44:31.580 --> 00:44:34.580
to speak with her and

00:44:36.670 --> 00:44:39.590
I feel like that would be probably
the healthiest way

00:44:39.590 --> 00:44:42.550
forward in our relationship
so that I can continue to speak with her.

00:44:48.470 --> 00:44:51.480
I don't know.

00:44:51.890 --> 00:44:53.060
The way you talk about

00:44:53.060 --> 00:44:56.060
it sounds like you're somewhat prepared.

00:44:56.110 --> 00:44:59.570
I think I've been preparing myself either
way, either way,

00:45:00.280 --> 00:45:02.650
since I like, moved out here.

00:45:02.650 --> 00:45:04.530
Because

00:45:04.530 --> 00:45:07.030
the big reason why Nick was so happy

00:45:07.030 --> 00:45:09.080
that, like, our relationship work
and everything else, he's like,

00:45:09.080 --> 00:45:12.830
because you can get the health care
that you need out here and you can like do

00:45:12.830 --> 00:45:15.830
the things that you wish to do.

00:45:16.750 --> 00:45:18.460
Yeah.

00:45:18.460 --> 00:45:20.590
year the time.

00:45:20.590 --> 00:45:22.840
It is time.

00:45:22.840 --> 00:45:24.680
You wanna go back in first?

00:45:24.680 --> 00:45:26.590
Go in first.

00:45:26.590 --> 00:45:27.010
Yeah.

00:45:27.010 --> 00:45:30.010
You were very good back in first.

00:45:40.190 --> 00:45:43.940
silence is sometimes the very best thing,

00:45:44.280 --> 00:45:48.070
this is the one place
they can come and it's okay to be quiet

00:45:48.070 --> 00:45:52.450
and allow them to have the experiences
that they have with the animals

00:45:52.700 --> 00:45:56.540
it's that experience that lends itself

00:45:56.540 --> 00:46:00.090
to creating that different change
in the body and the different,

00:46:00.500 --> 00:46:05.300
you know, awarenesses and doing nothing,
you know what it looks like

00:46:05.300 --> 00:46:09.760
is just doing nothing is, you know,
the counselor is holding their space.

00:46:10.100 --> 00:46:11.470
The counselor is there,

00:46:12.430 --> 00:46:14.560
you know, letting this be a safe place.

00:46:14.560 --> 00:46:17.560
Just to sit and be quiet. And just like

00:46:18.310 --> 00:46:20.560
this is a really important living moment

00:46:20.560 --> 00:46:25.440
just to enjoy that what that feels like
And that's all

00:46:25.900 --> 00:46:28.910
that's all that matters.

00:46:40.750 --> 00:46:43.000
I still kind of like,

00:46:43.000 --> 00:46:46.630
shake my head at the fact that, like,
I could have therapy here, like

00:46:47.380 --> 00:46:49.890
amongst the wildlife, like on a,

00:46:49.890 --> 00:46:53.140
like old farmhouse,
like it's kind of idyllic.

00:46:54.430 --> 00:46:57.310
and now I can understand that like

00:46:57.310 --> 00:47:00.020
in a therapeutic sense, like I have
a greater understanding of myself

00:47:00.020 --> 00:47:01.690
than I did,

00:47:01.690 --> 00:47:04.690
you know, six months a year back.

00:47:05.110 --> 00:47:08.860
And I don't think it was very concrete
to myself until just now.

00:47:09.780 --> 00:47:12.780
So That's

00:47:13.870 --> 00:47:17.160
I didn't know what I expected from today,
but now I'm like really happy

00:47:18.580 --> 00:47:21.580
that you

00:47:22.670 --> 00:47:24.840
Every once in a while,
I'm given kind of hope.

00:47:24.840 --> 00:47:27.800
With my mom.

00:47:27.920 --> 00:47:30.090
She's

00:47:30.090 --> 00:47:33.510
been very supportive
and like me, pursuing art

00:47:33.850 --> 00:47:37.270
and wanting to hear about stuff
that's going on and

00:47:38.310 --> 00:47:41.560
kind of being like, kept in the loop
and like supporting myself and my partner.

00:47:42.440 --> 00:47:45.770
But it's kind of nice
seeing that like there is going to be

00:47:46.780 --> 00:47:49.780
a potential of like,

00:47:50.030 --> 00:47:52.700
maybe there will be a point where you're
going to be able to understand this.

00:47:52.700 --> 00:47:54.530
You know, as I'm

00:47:54.530 --> 00:47:56.700
able to communicate to you.

00:47:56.700 --> 00:48:01.580
So whatever happens, happens and it's not
going to be a consequence of them.

00:48:02.170 --> 00:48:07.130
So I get to look forward to like gender
affirming surgeries,

00:48:07.130 --> 00:48:11.970
and I get to look forward to
changing my legal name without

00:48:13.010 --> 00:48:13.680
feeling

00:48:13.680 --> 00:48:16.560
like they're going to hinder the process.

00:48:16.560 --> 00:48:19.100
But in a way that's just like, well,

00:48:19.100 --> 00:48:21.440
we support you,

00:48:21.440 --> 00:48:24.770
but we're thinking you're making the bad,
like a wrong choice.

00:48:25.400 --> 00:48:28.570
And I know trans folks
who have had that, like, exact phrase

00:48:28.570 --> 00:48:31.700
set them where they're like,
we'll call you by, you know, this,

00:48:31.700 --> 00:48:34.700
you know, we'll forget you as us. But.

00:48:35.320 --> 00:48:36.830
We think you're making the wrong choice.

00:48:36.830 --> 00:48:39.830
And at this point, it's just like

00:48:40.290 --> 00:48:41.330
we're all finding

00:48:41.330 --> 00:48:44.420
found family on our own way
at that stage in our life.

00:48:45.920 --> 00:48:47.920
I'm gonna be optimistic about it,

00:48:47.920 --> 00:48:50.920
at least going forward.

00:48:52.590 --> 00:48:53.510
Sometimes I feel like there's

00:48:53.510 --> 00:48:56.600
a lot of people who go to therapy
because they're an inconvenience.

00:48:56.600 --> 00:48:58.350
For others.

00:48:58.350 --> 00:49:01.100
So, you know, they're hoping, you know,

00:49:01.100 --> 00:49:05.310
six months, nine months, two years
of this intervention program down the line

00:49:06.440 --> 00:49:09.440
that they're
no longer going to be an inconvenience.

00:49:09.980 --> 00:49:12.990
So it's kind of difficult.

00:49:14.200 --> 00:49:17.280
To see some of those,
like see some of those past

00:49:17.530 --> 00:49:21.160
therapeutic experiences like,
oh yeah, I elected to go and do this.

00:49:21.870 --> 00:49:25.790
Or, you know, I'm wanting to do this
for the betterment of myself, not just to

00:49:25.790 --> 00:49:31.170
go back to school or to go back to work
or to not be an inconvenience

00:49:31.170 --> 00:49:34.170
on others.

00:49:35.880 --> 00:49:36.300
A very good

00:49:36.300 --> 00:49:39.300
friend of mine is trans and he talks about

00:49:39.430 --> 00:49:42.470
how sometimes he feels like
he has to be the expert on the subject.

00:49:43.390 --> 00:49:47.270
So, you know, that's why I'm thankful that
Charlie's willing to tell their story,

00:49:47.270 --> 00:49:51.610
because there is some added pressure
to maybe feel like.

00:49:51.610 --> 00:49:54.610
I don't know if you feel that,
but feeling like

00:49:55.030 --> 00:49:58.660
maybe you have to represent
in some certain way, but I.

00:49:58.740 --> 00:50:02.540
Like the documentary piece
is maybe showing

00:50:02.540 --> 00:50:05.870
that there are a lot more facets
to somebody than just their gender.

00:50:07.580 --> 00:50:08.170
I like to think

00:50:08.170 --> 00:50:11.170
that reparations is having more white men,

00:50:11.170 --> 00:50:13.840
like the more advocates

00:50:13.840 --> 00:50:14.550
like.

00:50:14.550 --> 00:50:16.760
It's like,
oh, don't let me do all the work.

00:50:16.760 --> 00:50:19.010
Please, please take over. I'm good.

00:50:19.010 --> 00:50:21.930
I would like to see,
I would like. Pick up my feet and relax.

00:50:21.930 --> 00:50:24.850
I'll be in the back relaxing,
because these are just the conversations

00:50:24.850 --> 00:50:27.850
we have on a regular basis.

00:50:31.730 --> 00:50:34.610
I definitely love the way
Charlie and Batman were late,

00:50:34.610 --> 00:50:39.240
because Charlie made a joke about him
being angry and silly,

00:50:39.990 --> 00:50:42.990
which I feel like helps Charlie

00:50:43.200 --> 00:50:46.330
be able to feel angry because I
don't think it's a feeling you really like

00:50:46.500 --> 00:50:50.630
to feel or acknowledge much,
but have a right to feel and acknowledge.

00:50:50.630 --> 00:50:53.710
And Batman has a lot of confidence.

00:50:53.880 --> 00:50:58.930
And I think Charlie has confidence, too,
that you don't always recognize.

00:50:58.930 --> 00:51:02.970
But I think that's part of why
you and Batman get along so well.

00:51:04.260 --> 00:51:07.180
Animals are far easier to

00:51:07.180 --> 00:51:09.440
understand their feelings, understand
what their

00:51:09.440 --> 00:51:12.440
their needs are
or their behaviors than humans.

00:51:12.900 --> 00:51:15.570
They just kind of are who they are,
and they really appreciate

00:51:15.570 --> 00:51:16.610
when you are who you are.

00:51:16.610 --> 00:51:19.650
Because if you're masking,
if you're lying, if you're incongruent,

00:51:19.650 --> 00:51:22.740
they sense that as being unsafe And

00:51:22.740 --> 00:51:25.740
I think Charlie is calm confidence.

00:51:26.040 --> 00:51:28.620
You know, for a lot of clients
coming here, that's what they're trying

00:51:28.620 --> 00:51:29.710
to get to.

00:51:29.710 --> 00:51:32.080
Charlie kind of came in with that,
which is,

00:51:32.080 --> 00:51:34.500
I think, very validated by the
the animals.

00:51:34.500 --> 00:51:38.300
If they don't feel safe, they won't engage
with you as much, and that's okay.

00:51:38.340 --> 00:51:43.430
That's part of the process for some folks,
is learning to calm down, learning to

00:51:44.550 --> 00:51:48.520
feel confident, learning to be congruent
with who they are inside.

00:51:48.730 --> 00:51:51.020
It just it's all information.

00:51:51.020 --> 00:51:53.770
But that's the information
I get from Charlie's experiences

00:51:54.900 --> 00:51:57.900
that they're strong, confident, kind.

00:51:58.490 --> 00:52:01.490
Those are great attributes.

00:52:06.330 --> 00:52:08.370
Don't make me cry.

00:52:08.370 --> 00:52:10.710
Like, oh, those are nice words.

00:52:10.710 --> 00:52:11.870
Thank you.

00:52:11.870 --> 00:52:14.420
Welcome.

00:52:14.420 --> 00:52:17.420
And so we really want our clients to

00:52:17.880 --> 00:52:22.880
relish in those moments, to really think
about and to really feel and take it in.

00:52:23.390 --> 00:52:27.180
You know what's happening inside of you
when you have this contact

00:52:27.180 --> 00:52:28.890
with this animal.

00:52:28.890 --> 00:52:32.560
How can you take that sense with you
and that experience with you?

00:52:32.850 --> 00:52:36.570
When you're feeling upset
or sad or scared,

00:52:36.570 --> 00:52:39.440
can you remember what it felt like?

00:52:39.440 --> 00:52:44.160
And then allow your body
to go into that same relaxed, calm state.

00:52:44.740 --> 00:52:47.240
The animal is just inviting

00:52:47.240 --> 00:52:50.000
a new way of reacting
that's already in you.

00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:52.620
It's just kind of giving you
that new opportunity.

00:52:52.620 --> 00:52:56.210
And so now our job is to help
you have those opportunities,

00:52:56.210 --> 00:52:58.460
not just here
when the animals are with you,

00:52:58.460 --> 00:53:00.840
but in the rest of the world
when you really need them.

00:53:06.890 --> 00:53:08.970
So these goats,

00:53:08.970 --> 00:53:12.770
though obviously
so stinking cute, had a very sad

00:53:13.850 --> 00:53:14.480
story.

00:53:14.480 --> 00:53:17.440
Their mom died
when she was giving birth to them.

00:53:18.360 --> 00:53:21.280
So they've been

00:53:21.280 --> 00:53:24.820
motherless, which luckily we could.

00:53:25.490 --> 00:53:30.830
We're set up to kind of take on animals
who need more attention and care.

00:53:30.830 --> 00:53:33.790
So they've been bottle fed since day one.

00:53:34.580 --> 00:53:37.380
You're so funny. You.

00:53:37.380 --> 00:53:41.500
fun is the brown one
and Flora is the white one.

00:53:42.010 --> 00:53:46.010
Oh! Oh!

00:53:46.430 --> 00:53:55.770
Oh! Oh!

00:54:07.030 --> 00:54:10.030
When you're feeling stressed,

00:54:10.030 --> 00:54:13.040
I want you to remember the moment
of having a goat on your back.

00:54:19.540 --> 00:54:22.550
Because you can't do anything, you know,
you just have to stop and

00:54:23.380 --> 00:54:25.420
stop and

00:54:25.420 --> 00:54:27.590
feel the goat and laugh

00:54:27.590 --> 00:54:30.600
and remember that life is

00:54:31.260 --> 00:54:34.270
more than school and work and.

00:54:35.890 --> 00:54:36.770
Feel.

00:54:36.770 --> 00:54:38.650
Oh. Are you coming up?

00:54:38.650 --> 00:54:40.020
I've never seen you do this.

00:54:41.150 --> 00:54:42.650
I just seen my hair.

00:54:42.650 --> 00:54:43.070
Which one?